Freak the Dragon Slayer
by WaterBudget
Summary: Freak449, leaving his noob days behind, prepares for a very important Runescape rite of passage: slaying Elvarg...but first, he has to save the world from chaos caused by an enigmatic cult and an even more mysterious enemy named Blade. Sequel to Noobdom.
1. A New Quest

**Chapter 1 A New Quest**

"That's him?"

Yeah, it's me, Freak449. They must have been looking for someone more impressive-looking. I'd been a celebrity ever since I (helped) put an end to Lord Luxon, a level one hundred twenty-six bent on enslaving all Runescapians. But I don't look like a celebrity. No Santa hat. No fancy armor. Not even a party hat.

"Hello," I say to the two gawking ladies. We're standing at the entrance to the white city of Falador. The women currently staring at me happen to be wandering into the city as I wait for my escort.

"He can't be," one of them, a lady in a long white dress and insanely colorful rainbow shoes, mutters to the other. "He's a noob."

They walk away while I contemplate the insult to my person. Wait! I'm not a noob anymore! Doesn't being level sixty-eight mean anything to these people? I lament and moan for a bit before someone flicks the back of my head.

"Ow!"

"What's wrong now?"

"Dawnie!" My dear, darling Dawn! At long last, we've been reunited!

"If call me that again, I'll pull your eyeballs from your head!" She glares, and I cringe. Once upon a time, she had absolutely terrified me as the Pokey Lady, whose deadly pokes wound like weapons. Over time, she revealed a softer side, which occasionally re-appears when I do something right for once. Even so, after we defeated Luxon, I really had thought she was starting to get fond of me.

Dawn's bright blue hair is clipped short now, curled around her face charmingly. Her eyes are tawny like the pelt of a lioness. They're narrowed with irritation at the moment. Sighing, Dawn brushes off her rune platelegs before returning her gaze to the path ahead of us. "Why did I agree to escort you to the Champions' Guild?"

I place a finger to my lips in thought. "'Cause I don't know where it is."

"I remember!" She brandishes her trademark rune axe in my direction. I flinch away. "Redseed guilted me into this…"

Thank goodness for Redseed. As my mentor, he's got my back. Ages ago, he had enlisted Dawn, who happened to be his cousin, to help me out. Then Redseed had disappeared, probably so I couldn't mooch any hints for the quest from him. "Hey, let's just go," I say. We're lingering outside the gates of Falador, and the guards are giving us not-so-subtle glares. "The sooner we get there, the sooner you can get back to your own business."

Dawn sighs again. I inch forward in concern, but she reaches out to stop me. The hand she has on my chest makes my skin tingle happily. Perhaps noticing my perverted smile, she withdraws the hand. "My own business…Well, woodcutting was getting old, and then Redseed found me and told me I had work to do. I've been delaying the job, but now I have no excuses left. "

"Is this 'work' going on an adventure with me?" I say.

"No, I've already done the quest," Dawn replies. "You're on your own when it's slaying time. Strange things have been happening around Runescape, so while I escort you and make sure you don't get into too much trouble, I'm going to investigate."

"What am I slaying?" Apparently, it's a rite of passage, but no one's told me exactly what I have to slay yet.

Dawn tilts her head at me and gives me a smile that borders on a smirk. "Well, I don't want to spoil the surprise." Wait…I don't like surprises! Then, without warning, she sets off down the dirt path snaking away from Falador. Swift as a cheetah, she leaves me quite a distance behind before finally, she stops at the top of steps that lead to the Dwarven Mountain.

By the time I catch up, I'm panting and breathless. A small, bearded fellow—a dwarf!—scrutinizes the both of us. I scrutinize him in return. Even after all this time, I've never had a good look at dwarves.

"You're simply adorable," I declare to the dwarf. He has small, round brown eyes and a button-nose.

Dawn pushes me away as the dwarf widens his eyes and lifts his pickaxe defensively. "You scared him," she states. "Actually, you're starting to scare me too."

Within a matter of minutes, during which Dawn refuses to talk to me, we arrive in Varrock. In the middle of the city square, a buddy of mine, Hamlet, is contemplating the water running under the four way stone-bridge. It's strange to see him standing still like that: for once not busy counting or making money.

"Hey, Hamlet." I slap his shoulder companionably, and he jumps a foot before giving me a tired glance. Leaning against the rail that keeps clumsy folk like me from falling into the fountain, Dawn prepares to wait when I ask, "What's wrong?"

Hamlet suddenly looks paranoid. "Nothing," he says, sounding too defensive for it to be nothing.

I waggle a finger in his face. "There's something in that nothing of yours."

"Maybe that something is actually nothing."

"Or maybe that something is something."

"Stop it!" Dawn puts an end to the conversation. "Did Rick Turpentine mug you or something?" We all know how precious money is to Hamlet. It's not as if he uses it for much; he just collects as much as he can. Maybe he had lost his fortune. I hadn't thought of that.

"No," Hamlet replies. He brushes a dark curl out of his face. "It's nothing you can help me with. Anyway, Freak, I heard you're planning on doing the Champion's Guild quest?"

"Yes," I say promptly. "Could you please tell me what I'll be slaying?"

It's now Hamlet's turn to wag a finger in my face. "Not telling. You'll have to find out."

My stomach bloats with dread or maybe gas from the pie I had earlier. Training on white knights makes me hungry…and guilty. Even after all this time, I still haven't managed to justify my actions to my inner pacifist. Maybe that part of me is dead now. Now I'm a killing machine! I've had these qualms lately, but there's no one I can turn to.

"Freak, stop standing around and looking emo," Dawn says.

I make a face at her, and she steps towards me menacingly with her poking finger raised. "Sorry!"

Hamlet chuckles and winks at Dawn. "You sure know how to put him in his place." Then, miraculously, Dawn blushes.

"Hmm. Well, let's go. See you, Hamlet." She hauls me away, and I'm too demoralized to enjoy it. We bustle by the general store and the sword shop, and Charlie the Tramp hails me as we pass him.

"Spare some change, guv?"

"We're not in London," Dawn mutters, but a smile lifts a corner of her mouth as I deposit a few coins into Charlie's hands. When we walk out of Varrock, she tells me, "You really can't go around giving money to NPCs. There's no point, but I guess that was very generous of you."

I beam. NPCs are people too even if Runescapians spend most of their lives slaughtering them. "Besides, he helped me with the Shield of Arrav quest."

"You mean, nearly got you killed," Dawn reminds me. Oh yeah. Running away from gangsters is not fun.

"You'd think the guards around here would stop standing around all day and put a stop to the gang violence."

"You're technically part of the Black Arm Gang," Dawn remarks.

"Oh, I forgot I'm a gangster."

"Hey, gangster, go get your quest." Dawn pushes me towards a small stone building nearby. Beside the building, on a stone patio, are chickens, pecking away at the grass growing there. The sight yanks me back to my noob days. Even then, I couldn't bring myself to kill them and interrupt their zombie-like pecking. They were just too creepy to touch.

Forgetting the chickens, I enter the Champion's guild, my chin held up high. A man, brown-bearded and dressed in steel armor, accosts me. I open my mouth in outrage to tell him that he is invading my personal bubble, but he interrupts me.

"Greetings bold adventurer. Welcome to the Guild of Champions!" he booms. Behind him, I see the guild consists of a long table and a number of stiff-looking chairs. Somehow, I expected more impressive furniture.

"Uh, no need to shout. I'm standing right here," I say, stepping away and rubbing my ear.

"Aren't you here to ask me something?" the Guildmaster wheedles.

I scratch my head. What did Dawn tell me to say again? Er…let's see… "Can I have a quest?"

"May I have a quest," the man corrects me with an obnoxiously brilliant smile. Geez, this man could give people lessons on pomposity and flamboyance. Ah, how I enjoy big words. Thanks to Redseed, I have learned to use them properly. I'm no longer the noob I once was. I miss it.

The Guildmaster is tapping his foot impatiently while I get all misty-eyed. Then I snap out of it. "Wait, what was I supposed to…" I flinch back as the Guildmaster pulls out a small gun from thin air. His eyes have shrunken into little red dots. The weapon is pointed straight at my chest, and I can't quite believe that I've been so annoying and absentminded that I deserve to have a gun pointed at me.

"Before you shoot, let me just say…" The door bursts open, and Dawn sprints over to hit the Guildmaster over the head with the flat edge of her rune scimitar. He shrieks and crumbles into dust, which makes me sneeze.

With a dainty, booted foot, Dawn nudges the pile of soot that was formerly the insane Guildmaster. "Something weird is going on."

"Why do I have a feeling that wasn't part of the quest?" I mutter.

"It's not," she answers and climbs the staircase at the end of the room. I follow and find Dawn untying three people. They all look dazed. One of them looks like the replica of the Guildmaster Dawn turned into dust. Even as Dawn questions them, she gets no answers.

Frustrated, she goes downstairs, and I follow timidly. She paces the length of the guild, looking fierce and beautiful. I fix my goofy expression when she turns to look at me. "Whoever is messing with the NPCs leaves no trace of his, or her, identity…"

"I've never seen guns on Runescape. Well, cannons sure, but not guns," I point out. That strikes me as rather fishy.

"I know! Strange weapons have been sneaking onto Runescape." Dawn shakes her head. "And NPCs that never attack are attacking people."

Well, it seems that Runescape is in dire trouble, and I wasn't invited to help in the quest to put it right. "Let me help you investigate."

"No," Dawn protests, "You have your own quest to do."

"Ahem." We both turn to find the real Guildmaster considering us kindly.

Fine. I'll leave the investigating to the experts. I give Dawn a cold look. She looks faintly surprised for a moment but turns away. Okay, I've had it! I've been trying to woo her for ages! And she keeps holding me at a distance!

"Can I have a quest?" I ask bitterly.

"Aha! Yes! A mighty and perilous quest fit for only the most powerful champions! And, at the end of it, you will earn the right to wear the legendary rune plate body!" the Guildmaster proclaims.

"So, how do I get a rune plate body?" I continue.

The Guildmaster looks sheepish. "You'll have to speak to Oziach, the maker of rune armor. He sets the quest that champions must complete in order to wear it. Oziach lives in a hut, by the cliffs to the west of Edgeville. He can be a little…odd…sometimes though."

Odd or not, I still have to find him. I turn with a scowl to Dawn. "More traveling? My legs will fall off."

"Stop complaining," she returns. "Let's go to Edgeville."

I can feel the Guildmaster's curious eyes burning into me as I brush past Dawn and out of the Guild. Okay, so it's not the best start to the quest, but I don't care! I stop on the path outside the guild. Why the heck am I so emotional? Why is Dawn acting crabbier than usual?

"Who the heck is doing this!" I holler.

"Who the heck is doing what?" a female voice asks from behind me. It belongs to the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Her hair is black as midnight, in two pigtails and a playful fringe. Her eyes are an alluring gray-blue, soft and understanding. I swallow and stand there like an idiot. "I'm Tigerstar," she says.

"Ah, Freak449," I stammer.

"So, who were you talking to earlier?" Tigerstar asks.

"The person who's messing up Runescape," I tell her.

She raises an eyebrow. "What's going on?" Gladly, I tell her about the fake Guildmaster and Dawn's suspicions.

Tigerstar holds her chin thoughtfully and shrugs. "I haven't a clue. All I know is that Dawn person isn't very nice to you."

No, she isn't! Then, boldly, I ask, "Would you like to come with me to Edgeville? I'm doing a quest for the Guildmaster."

"Oh, I still need to do that. You can show me how it's done," Tigerstar says with an admiring smile. I've never gotten a smile like that before, and it feels nice. I finally feel like a hero…or at least a guy who could possibly be one.

"Let's go then?"

She nods and loops her arm with mine as we head back toward Varrock. From there, we can go north to Edgeville and find this Oziach guy.


	2. A Missing Button

**Chapter 2 A Missing Button**

The scenery before us is familiar as the back of my own hand. Wait, where did that scar on my knuckle come from? Is it even possible for me to get scars? I know that Jagex finally perfected the virtual reality thing, but still…Tigerstar joins me in ogling my hand, her hair lightly brushing against mine. "What's wrong?" she asks.

"Nothing," I answer and turn my eyes to the sight of Barbarian Village. I wish these barbarians would change up their clothing style a bit…like maybe adding a few more pieces of fur? A nearby female barbarian, as if sensing my disapproval, narrows her eyes at me. Even though I could clobber any one of them, I still don't like provoking barbarians.

So, I escort Tigerstar out of the village, picking a random direction and hoping its north. Unlike Redseed or Dawn, I don't have that uncanny sense of direction. "Hrm. I don't suppose you know where Edgeville is?" I ask Tigerstar.

She lowers her eyes. "I'm afraid not," she says. "I'm new…a noob."

I scoff. She looks like the antithesis of a noob: so beautiful and dignified… "That's okay. We all start out as noobs," I tell her. "Well, we'll find a way to Edgeville." Suddenly, I miss Dawn and not just because she knows the way to Edgeville.

"Hey there," a voice calls, a voice so deep that it's making me feel downright effeminate. A man in gold-trimmed rune armor, with fancy green hair approaches us. He has a buddy, a darker-featured man wearing black robes.

"Hi," Tigerstar and I chirp.

Both of the other dudes raise their eyebrows. The sight of rising green eyebrows is an experience I'll never quite forget. "You guys lost?" asks the darker man.

"Yep," I admit cheerfully. "Which way's Edgeville?"

The strangers exchange smirks. "We'll tell you," Green-hair says, "for a price. Give her to me." He makes a gesture that makes Tigerstar gasp in outrage. While I don't quite understand the meaning of his lewd motion, I step in front of her.

"She's not something I can give away," I state, raising my chin, so my eyes are level with the slightly taller green-haired pervert. "She is her own person."

"A noob isn't a person," Greenie says. A noob isn't a person!? He's definitely going on my bad list. I half-wish I could pummel him, but violence doesn't solve anything. Well…sometimes, it does. But not often. While I struggle with moral dilemmas, the darker man darts past me and grabs Tigerstar's slender arm.

She screams, and on instinct, I kick out at the man who grabbed her. The blow connects, and the man goes flying, landing face-first in the dust outside Barbarian village. What? That shouldn't have…

"Dave, rip him to pieces," the man on the ground groans.

Dave, the green-haired man, charges like a bull, and I step aside. He's inside Barbarian Village by the time he realizes his charge had missed. Not very bright, is he? I gesture for Tigerstar to move aside before facing the returning Dave.

Faster than I expect, he rams into me. I wince at the searing pain along my right side, which had taken the brunt of the attack. Then I kick him in the spleen. That's right: the spleen. But Dave only grunts and unleashes his meaty fists on my poor ribs. It seems this is not the time to be nice. Wincing from the pain, I raise my knee, and you can imagine where I aimed…

As my aim proves true, Dave freezes and reels away, hunched over in agony. I sympathize with him for a moment before I snatch Tigerstar's hand and flee. Dave's companion is still on the ground. As we pass him, he doesn't say a word, doesn't stand to challenge us. He only watches us intently as if memorizing our faces. I duck my head and run faster.

When the two creeps are out of sight, I sit cross-legged in the grass and rest. Tigerstar glances at me, her face painted with confusion. "I've never seen that happen. Usually, players can't fight like that."

I lift my shirt and examine the purpling skin along my torso. "Usually, players don't get bruised." Maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me (that or I'm going crazy), but Runescape suddenly looks and feel more realistic.

"Hold on," I say to Tigerstar, who is looking at me as if I have all the answers. Unfortunately, I don't. "Let me log out for a second. I'll be back in less than a minute." She nods, so trusting and innocent that I hesitate. She'll be fine. I hope.

I reach into my backpack and find my calculatormabob, which contains all the tabs for Runescape in one convenient package that looks like a complicated calculator. The familiar features quell a feeling of epic panic. I turn it, searching for the log out button. Searching for it? Normally, it's just there: no eye movement necessary. Now it's not there! I examine every inch of the calculatormabob until I have to accept the cold, hard truth: the log out button is nonexistent. My mind, my essence, my soul...is trapped in Runescape!

Tigerstar tilts her head at me. "What's wrong?" she asks.

"The log-out button is gone."

She raises an eyebrow, as if wondering what I'm so worried about.

I choke. "There's a world outside this one! This is just a game! The real world is out there." I poke my finger at the white, featureless sky. "Our physical bodies are out there while our minds are in here!"

"If you say so." Tigerstar stands, brushing off her skirt. She places her hands behind her back and glances up at the sky as if looking for this real world of mine.

If I say so? I know so. Right? I examine my scarred hand again. The wound is as real as a paper-cut in the real world. "Let's just find Edgeville." No need to panic…I think I begin hyperventilating because Tigerstar says, "Freak, calm down! You're going to kill yourself."

"Kill myself," I wheeze. I haven't even considered what happens if we die now in this strange, new twisted Runescape.

Tigerstar giggles all of a sudden, and I glance at her, startled.

"What's so funny?" I ask.

"Thank you for defending me from Dave," she murmurs with a blush. "You just remind me so much of Mordred. He freaked out about everything like you do."

"Mordred?" Like the evil dude from King Arthur?

"My boyfriend. Mordred234."

Her boyfriend! Um…I hope this Mordred is an understanding sort. I wasn't planning on making a move on Tigerstar or anything. Really! After all, I have Dawn. "Are you, uh, looking for him?" I inquire. Well, of course, she is. "You can always message him." I hold up my calculatormabob.

I'm immediately sorry for my words when her face crinkles with distress. "I've tried," she whispers. "He never answers. I'm so worried that something terrible has happened to him."

I suppose saving a gentleman in distress is a new and fresh sort of quest. "I'll help you find him," I promise. She nearly gives me a heart attack by hugging me. When she releases me, Tigerstar looks as surprised as I feel.

Clearing my throat, I say, "Let's go find Oziach." Tigerstar nods, and I notice that she's wiping traces of tears from her eyes. We both stand around awkwardly for a minute before we return to the problem at hand. While I do eeny-meeny-miney-moe for a direction inside my head, Tigerstar surveys the land around us with a thoughtful frown.

"That way!" she suddenly says and points to our right. "I think we might come out near the Monastery."

"Lead the way, my lady!" I bow. As I straighten, the look on her face tightens my throat. It looks like love, if I'm not mistaken…which, I very well could be.

Tigerstar lowers her gaze to the ground. "I'm sorry, but Mordred used to do that. Call me 'my lady,' I mean."

Crumb-buckets, at this rate, she'll start thinking I'm Mordred in disguise. I'm not…I think. Well, I'm pretty sure. Gah, I'm just Freak. A simple guy really. How do I end up in these messes?

Tigerstar leads us to the Monastery, and since we have to travel a small stretch of wilderness to reach Edgeville, we skirt past the ragged-looking sheep to the wilderness wall. Yep, someone filled in the good ole ditch that I had recently figured out how to jump properly. Now I have to jump over a wall. This reeks of unfairness.

I look away as Tigerstar leaps over the wall. I do have a sense of honor, you know. After all, she's wearing a skirt that would fly up and…I stop my train of thought before it turns too naughty.

"C'mon, Freak!" On the other side of the wall, Tigerstar sprints towards Edgeville as swiftly as a gazelle. Bracing myself, I face the wall and stare at it menacingly. It gives me a stony look. I sigh. Already, I know this won't end well. Even so, I start from a distance and start running towards the wall and then, when I'm half a meter away, I jump. It seems that I've cleared the wall when I feel that fatal jolt. My foot catches the very top of the wall, so I fall headfirst.

As I pick myself off the ground and admire the Freak-shaped imprint in the grass, I thank Saradomin that I didn't break my neck. Far ahead, Tigerstar is waving at me. She seems to be covering a smile…

Achy, I trudge along until I'm standing beside Tigerstar, whose face is carefully neutral. I grumble, "You can laugh if you want."

She laughs for a few minutes before placing a hand on my shoulder. "If it's any comfort, that was the most impressive fall I've ever seen."

"Thanks. I think."

We walk along, mere meters away from the wilderness, until the buildings of Edgeville emerge on the other side of the wall. Tigerstar, of course, returns to the other side of the wall without a problem. Meanwhile, I take my time to clamber up (er, haul myself) over the wall. No more leaping for me.

When I catch up to Tigerstar, she points to a small, lone building on the outskirts of Edgeville. "I think that might be the house you're looking for."

It must be 'cause I've never been in there. I grin at her. "Shall we?"

"We shall," she responds with a smile. We start walking in slow-motion, all dramatic like, towards the building before we start racing to get there first. She's like a mind reader, I muse, as we arrive gasping at the house door at the same time. Like a soul-mate. I give myself a mental slap.

"Well, here it goes." I knock at the door. When I hear nothing but a furtive shuffling, I push the door open. It's quest time!


	3. Freak the Dragon Slayer

**Chapter 3 Freak the Dragon Slayer**

With Tigerstar right at my heels, I barge into the not so spacey cabin. It might be due to the huge boxes labeled "Oziach's Armor Shop" crowding the place. There are two piles in the corner across the door and two more right next to it. On each side of Oziach's place, two sets of armor cling to the walls. The helms have yellow plumes; the shields are trimmed with red, like the armor of Zamorak.

Zamorak. Even the mere mention of the god of chaos makes my thoughts return to Luxon. A guy's gotta wonder where the heck he is now. Maybe he gave up Runescape and got a job, one in the real world, which apparently I don't have access to anymore. No panicking! I breathe deeply. In and out. In and out. In and in…holy cow, can't breathe!

Tigerstar thumps me on the back, and I thank her with a weak smile. Then I turn to Oziach. "Good day, sir," I address the wary-looking man. He himself wears a rune plate with poofy, purple pants. If that isn't a fashion disaster, I don't know what is…

"Aye 'tis a fair day, my friend."

Aye? His accent and that slightly curled moustache of his seem very odd. Maybe Oziach is a pirate? Cool. I like pirates. "Yes, it's a very nice day," I agree.

"Aye, may the gods walk by your side. Now leave me alone." Oziach turns his back on me.

Wait? What? I didn't come all this way to be rebuffed! Rejected! Refused! Oh, how I love alliteration. Shaking all thoughts of poetic devices out of my head, I persist, "Can you sell me a rune plate body?"

"So, how does thee know I 'ave some?"

Armor shop. Duh. Tigerstar sits on a nearby box and watches my conversation with Oziach unfold.

"I am a master detective." I grin at him and strike a pose, trying to look detective-like.

"Well, however you found out about it, I'm not going to let just anyone wear my rune platemail. It's only for heroes. So leave me alone," Oziach repeats, his pirate accent suspiciously absent.

Only heroes? But…but…Then I remember the Guildmaster saying something about Oziach setting me a task. "I thought you were going to give me a quest."

He heaves a great sigh as if frustrated with the world. "All right. I'll give ye a quest. I'll let ye wear my rune platemail if ye…Slay the dragon of Crandor!"

A dramatic and tense pause ensues. A DRAGON!?

"A dragon, that sounds like fun," I mumble. The things I do…

Oziach seems amused for some reason, but I don't see what's so funny. "Ha, yes, you are a typical reckless adventurer, aren't you? Now go kill the dragon and get out of my face!"

Grr, I'm not going to get out of his face anytime soon if he keeps talking down at me like that! I frown at him. "How can I defeat the dragon?"

Oziach swells up with anger. His eyes bulge for a second before he releases the tension as a sigh. Phew. I thought he was going to pull out a gun on me for a moment. "Go talk to the Guildmaster. I'm not going to be handholding any adventurers," he mutters.

"Well, thanks," I call over my shoulder as I scurry out of Oziach's shop with Tigerstar tailing along. No wonder he's a hermit…

But…a dragon? I want to cry. I can barely handle a wall at the moment. Tigerstar places a delicate hand on my shoulder. "You'll be fine, Freak. I'm sure the Guildmaster will be more helpful."

We're headed south, towards Barbarian Village and then onwards to Varrock. At least, this route is familiar to me. The reverse route always eludes me. While I lead the way, Tigerstar is rummaging in her backpack. With a sudden rustle, Tigerstar pulls out a map of Runescape from her pack and pokes at it crossly.

"Why didn't we use this earlier?" she wonders.

"I'm not good with maps," I admit. Hopeless, I know.

"Mordred hated maps too," Tigerstar says with an unnerved glance at me. Okay, too many similarities equals creepy beyond all reason. "He hated to ask for directions though. We always were lost…but at least, we were lost together."

I glance at her over my shoulder. "You shouldn't talk about him in the past tense. He's still alive. I'm sure of it." To be honest, I'm not sure of anything anymore. Where the heck could the guy be? Then a terrible thought dances across my mind. What if he's avoiding poor Tigerstar on purpose? Her fragile heart would be shattered into a million pieces.

Just like mine was shattered, so long ago, by Lady Lore. I still see her around but don't talk to her much. It's strange that I thought that I loved her. And now, that love's gone. How can love come and go like that?

My philosophical wonderings are cut short as I trip over an unusual lumpy shape on the ground. "Oh, I'm sorry!" comes a watery apology. As I recover from my second face-plant of the day, a girl's face comes into focus.

As I stare, the girl sits up and looks away, perhaps ashamed. Her face, thanks to a multitude of scars, is put together like a puzzle gone wrong. Tigerstar stands frozen a meter away, her eyes wide with horror. "Are you okay?" I say lamely to the girl, who has clearly been crying for a while. I feel like a dunce, but the girl answers, not looking at me.

"Today wasn't so bad. So, yes, I'm fine."

Wasn't so bad. The words pull at my heart. And those scars…"What's your name? I'm Freak." I hold out my hand for her to shake. She flinches away from my hand. Hey, my hand's clean and everything, but then I see that isn't the problem.

"I'm so sorry," I apologize. I want to ask who had hurt her, but maybe she just wants to forget whatever happened.

"Avalon," she says. "I prefer Ava though." Ava's eyes dart towards Tigerstar, who hasn't said a word.

I decide to introduce them. "Ava, this is Tigerstar…"

"She's ugly," Tigerstar says. The words cause Ava to erupt into tears. What the…Even if the thought crosses her mind, she shouldn't blurt it out like that!

"We're wasting our time," Tigerstar continues mercilessly. Ava sobs on her hands and knees. Watching her is like watching someone being tortured. I can't stand it.

I turn to Tigerstar. "What's wrong with you?"

"She brought it upon herself."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What is going on?" I demand. No one answers me.

"Please!" I entreat Tigerstar. She points a finger at Ava, whose sobbing has subsided into sniffles.

"She joined CAN."

Okay? What the heck does that mean? My blank face asks my question for me, and Tigerstar hesitates before saying, "Choobs Against Noobs. It's a cult that persecutes noobs like me. She was going to take me out to the wilderness and lead me to the lesser demons, to my death. But a revenant killed her first. I guess what happened to her is punishment for failing a mission for the cult."

Ava turns her large, brown eyes towards Tigerstar, her lips quivering with emotion. "I don't even remember…I can't remember anything. I'm so sorry!"

"Sorry won't cut it." Tigerstar strides off with, I suppose, justified anger. Even so, I give Ava an apologetic glance.

"It's nice to have met you," Ava says to the air beside me. "You can go now. Leave."

Man, she must be channeling Oziach's crabbiness. "I won't leave you here," I tell her. "Please, if there's somewhere you want to go, I'll escort you." Besides, I want more information about this so-called cult.

Ava considers me with suspicious eyes before turning her back on me. "Go away, pervert."

What? I offer to help her and instead of gratitude, I'm called a...the world is so cruel to me! A second later, I shrug off my self-pity and step around her to meet her gaze. Ava glares at me. With the state her features are in, the glare is most terrifying, but I hold my ground.

"Please, let me help you."

"What do you want? If it's money, you can have my bank. Everything in it," Ava rants. "I don't need it anymore."

So stubborn…"Stop being silly," I scold her. "All you're doing is driving yourself into more misery."

Ava shrugs. "Everyone stares at me. They all hate me. Look at my face. I'm a freak."

"We can be freaks together." I nudge her, and she looks down murderously at my culpable index finger.

"Your name is Freak. You're not actually a freak," Ava points out.

"There are some people who would disagree with that particular statement," I mutter. "Just come along. What more do you have to lose?"

Ava frowns. "I suppose." She places her hand in mine, and I help her to her feet. Head down, she follows as I rush south to find Tigerstar. That girl must be somewhere close. I survey the broad landscape before me: grass…grass…more grass…a unicorn, which is giving me a mean glare even though I'm nowhere near its personal bubble. Ava and I stop outside the barbarian fortress, but still, no sign of Tigerstar.

"Maybe she's already in Varrock," I ponder.

Ava suddenly balks. "Are you looking for her? I don't want to see her again."

I sigh. "I'll drop you off with Dawn and then I'll go check that Tigerstar isn't in any particular danger."

Ava lifts an eyebrow. "Danger? Here?"

"Things are getting weird." I explain everything I explained to Tigerstar about Dawn's investigation of the NPCs and then a bit more about the missing button and the new physical-ness of Runescape.

"Physical-ness." Ava snickers at my made-up word, and I sigh. To prove my point, I lift my shirt, displaying my bruise, and then, realizing that this is an already traumatized girl, drop it with a blush. What a gentleman I am.

"Wait, let me see…" Ava frowns as if trying to remember something.

Again, I expose my enormous bruise to the world. After a moment, Ava brushes her hand down her face. "CAN might be behind all of this," she concludes. "They're the ones changing the laws of nature here. That's the only reason they could do this to me."

Wait…we've potentially found the culprits? I have to tell Dawn! So giddy, I almost trip. However, I catch myself in time and save the last of my dignity. Ha. Then I prance straight into a wooden fortress wall.

"Ow," I moan, feeling wet sticky stuff on my nose. Blood! "I'm bleeding!" I howl. How can that be?

With a sigh, Ava tears a strip of cloth from her dress sleeve and dabs at my nose until the blood is gone. Finished, she drops the cloth, and the red banner floats away, carried by a strong breeze.

"Thanks," I say, but Ava only shrugs. When we're near Varrock, I question her, "Do you know where CAN has its headquarters?"

She bites her lip. "If I did, that information was beaten out of my head." I reach out to touch her head lightly and find unnatural dents. Dents! By Saradomin, I swear whoever did this will pay! No, whoever brought this real world cruelty into Runescape will pay tenfold! Ava suddenly darts away, her face filled with fear.

"Ava?"

"You looked so angry…"

"I was angry at the ones who hurt you. That's all." I give her an encouraging smile, and she slinks back to walk beside me. This poor girl…

"It was only one person." Ava doesn't elaborate.

After a relatively peaceful walk, we find trouble at the Varrock gates. The eyes of players standing near the gate and training on guards burn into us as we enter, and Ava flees, out of their sight and out of Varrock. I glare at the lot of them, but their faces are fixed in expressions of revulsion. She's not that bad-looking! Okay, she is…but still!

Even I know I can't protect her from everyone's gaze. Hmm. I never was that great at problem solving though. While I ponder the dilemma, a dude wearing a grim reaper hood passes me. Well, perhaps this isn't as hard as I thought.

After backtracking and reassuring Ava that I would come back for her, I scurry through Varrock Square to Thessalia's where I stop, gasping for breath, in front of Iffie. "Hey, Iffie, I need…"

Knitting busily, the old lady doesn't even look up as she pushes a costume box in front of me. I rummage and pick out a number of masks. The zombie mask strikes me as too scary. The mime mask, even scarier. The frog head is ridiculous, but it'll do.

"Thanks Iffster."

The old lady continues to knit, and I have to wonder if she even heard me at all. In Varrock Square, I'm stopped all of a sudden by a jerk on my tunic. I spin around and find myself face to face with Dawn719.

"Well, you came back in one piece," she observes. "That's good."

"Uh, can't talk right now." The closeness of our faces reminds me of something I need to do before it's too late. But not right now. All of my energy is gone by the time I drag my sorry self to Ava. She pulls me upright as I wheeze.

"You didn't have to go through all this trouble," she begins and then stops when she sees the frog head. "No way!"

After I hand her the mask, I cross my arms with a no-nonsense look. Grumbling all the while, she dons the disguise, and we stroll into the city unobtrusively. I head back to the Square where Dawn is waiting.

"Did you talk to Oziach?" Dawn points at Ava. "Who is she?"

"Yes," I answer as Ava ducks her head, so the side of the huge green frog head whacks my shoulder. The touch makes my bruise throb.

"I'm Avalon. Please call me Ava."

"Dawn. You should go back to the Guildmaster, Freak."

I wave my hands at her. "All in good time. Here, watch Ava for me." Before Dawn or Ava can say a word, I spring away, feeling like an ill-abused messenger. I think I've done enough running to rival any messenger of King Roald's.

After running around the general area outside Varrock like a maniac, I finally spot a bowed dark head belonging to someone sitting beside the river, not too far from my favorite fishing spot.

"Fishing is fun," I say. To watch the crystal river flowing before your eyes! To enjoy a peace only broken by the occasional struggling fish at the end of your line! To realize you've run out of feathers and have to scurry to the chicken pen to pick up some more!

Tigerstar lifts her head to glower at me. "You don't understand how terrifying that day was."

"No," I agree, "I don't, but it's in the past, and Ava seems truly sorry. Right now, we have to stop CAN together."

"Count me out."

"What if they have Mordred?" I ask.

"Mordred." Tigerstar's head sinks to settle on her knees. She turns those lovely eyes on me. "You have to save him then."

"You have to help me. We can't depend on one person to save the world; real life doesn't have superheroes like that, Tiger. We all need each other. Noobs. Choobs. What does it matter?"

"It matters to everyone but you," she says. Ouch. Here I am, thinking to inspire her and only doing more damage.

Well, now that I know she's safe… "If you need me, you can send me a message," I say. "I'll be around."

She nods and doesn't even bother looking at me. I leave her, feeling guiltier with every step I take.


	4. The Story of Crandor

**Chapter 4 The Story of Crandor **

Dawn and Ava are standing where I left them: near the fountain in Varrock Square. Silent and stiff, they don't even greet me as I chirp a cheerful hello. "Erm…am I supposed to go to the Guild alone?" I thought Dawn was supposed to trail me around and investigate and whatnot. Oh, but first...

"Did Ava tell you about CAN?" I inquire, hoping to break the uncomfortable silence.

"As much as she could remember," Dawn says softly. "We have an abbreviation, a cult name, but not much else. We can't blame the cult for these changes without more information."

Ava bows her head, and Dawn steps away to avoid the giant green head. "I'm so sorry!"

"You don't have to apologize," Dawn tells her. Then she turns to me. "We'll be in the Blue Moon Inn. Join us after you talk to the Guildmaster again."

I nod and watch them stroll away. They start chattering as soon as I'm out of earshot. Feeling as though I'd missed something, I turn in the direction of Thessalia's shop and careen down the stone path, towards the Champions' Guild.

When I enter, the Guildmaster is sitting at the long blue table reading a Varrock Newspaper. He peers at me over his spectacles before removing them and standing, newspaper tucked neatly under his arm.

"I talked to Oziach and he gave me a quest," I report.

Tilting his head at me, the Guildmaster bounces up and down on his heels. "Oh? What did he tell you to do?"

He's messing with me, right? A thousand adventurers before must have told him...

"Defeat the dragon of Crandor." Even as I say it, my stomach grumbles as though in protest. After being beat up earlier, I suppose I should be hungry…

The Guildmaster makes a demented OMG face. "The dragon of Crandor?" I can hear the multiple question marks in his words. That's how surprised he is. For a Guildmaster, he could make a fair actor.

"Other people must have told you before…"

"The dragon of Crandor?" he repeats.

"Um, yes…"

"Goodness, he hasn't given you an easy job, has he?"

I droop. To slay a dragon! It's so old-fashioned but mostly cruel. "Anyway, what's so special about this dragon?"

The Guildmaster clears his throat and gives me an odd look when I sit on the floor. It's story time! Besides, I'm way too tired to stand for his entire dialogue.

"Thirty years ago, Crandor was a thriving community with mages and adventurers. Many Crandorians even earned the right to be part of the Champions' Guild.

"One of their adventurers went too far, however. He descended into the volcano at the centre of Crandor and woke the dragon Elvarg. The man fought valiantly, leaving a scar on the dragon's side. But in the end, the dragon won the fight. Enraged, she emerged and laid waste to the island of Crandor with her firebreath.

"Some refugees escaped to the coast, north of Rimmington, but the dragon followed them and burned the camp to the ground; of all the people of Crandor, only three survived: a trio of wizards, Thalzar, Lozar and Melzar."

"Holy cow." That dragon is what I'm supposed to slay?

The Guildmaster doesn't bat an eyelid at my dismay. "Well, first off, you'll need to get to Crandor. You'll need a ship and a map to show you the way. When you reach Crandor, you'll also need some sort of protection against the dragon's breath."

"Okay. I'll get going," I say even though I feel like I should have been taking notes for the past few minutes. "Where do I find a map though?"

"The three survivors split the map into three pieces. Thalzar hid his piece in an unknown place. I believe the Oracle on Ice Mountain may be able to help. As for Lozar, she settled near the River Lum." The Guildmaster proceeds to look mournful. "Unfortunately, goblins raided her house during the Battle of East Lumbridge and probably took the map."

Ah, crumb-buckets. "And the last piece?" I dare to ask.

"The last piece belongs to Melzar who built his own fortress near Rimmington. He locked himself up for years and went mad. Here's the key to his maze." He hands me a silver key to the maze of a madman. This quest just keeps on getting better…

I stand and salute the Guildmaster, who gives me another odd look, before I turn away to begin my quest. Step one: find map pieces. That seems straightforward enough. But once I'm outside the guild, the pressure makes me flop onto the ground. Exhausted, I lie on the ground and stare at the blue, cloud-flecked sky. Clouds?

I've never seen Runescape with a sky…A cult of players hunting noobs can't cause these changes! Well, they can't accomplish it alone. Someone in the outside world must be messing with the game code. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in-game.

Since there's nothing I can do at the moment, I plod back into Varrock and into the Blue Moon Inn. The entire place is surprisingly empty except for the usual NPCs and two Runescapians sitting in a shady corner at the bar table: Dawn and Ava, who hasn't removed her mask. I dart around Dr. Harlow, who wobbles dangerously close to my personal bubble and take a seat beside Ava.

"Hey," I greet them.

"So who's Tigerstar?" Dawn asks with an acid smile. "Did you find her?"

"Yes," I say, meeting her gaze squarely. "I met her outside the guild, and she accompanied me to Edgeville. Anyway, she's safe. She has a boyfriend, by the way. Mordred. Have you seen the fellow?"

Her face worryingly expressionless, Dawn crosses her arms. "Are you sure she's not making up that fellow of hers?"

"Why would she?" I ask indignantly, but even before she answers, I know the answer: to hoodwink me.

Before I can spew out another word, three people enter, two supporting the one in the middle. The middle guy has a slender build and black, ragged hair. He also has an impeccable sense of style. Hamlet! His head is droopy, his eyes unfocused.

The man on his right is sporting a lederhosen hat and an apron. He gives me a goofy grin of recognition. Kenshin. The guy supporting Hamlet on the left has a white apron too and a chef's hat over his fiery, red hair. Monty, of course.

Monty and Kenshin haul a wobbly Hamlet over to the bar and force him to sit on a stool. After fixing Hamlet's limp limbs, they sit too, sandwiching me between them, and consider us with sad smiles.

"What happened to him?"

"Tis' a sad story, mate," Monty shakes his head, making his chef's hat go lopsided. Kenshin reaches over my head to fix it for him.

"Hic," agrees Hamlet with a vague glance at me. Well, I think it's agreement…that or a hiccup.

When Dawn sighs, Monty and Kenshin chime, "Hey Dawn! And frog-headed person we don't know!" Ever since they started a bakery business together, they've been the best of chums. But sometimes their chummery goes a bit too far…

"Be nice!" I warn them. Ava's head is already bowed, her shoulders stiff with fear.

"We are nice," Kenshin protests, elbowing Dawn. "Right, right?"

"Not really," she says with utter honesty.

Both Kenshin and Monty sigh. "We offered him," Monty gestures with his eyebrows to Hamlet, "an apple pie to comfort him but instead he drank himself into oblivion."

"Why?" I stand and peer into Hamlet's green eyes. I find despair and desperation. I knew something was up! My instincts are never wrong! Well, actually, they usually are, but not this time.

"Because he's…" Kenshin begins.

"NO!" gurgles Hamlet, making an effort to rise before flopping back onto his seat. Monty pats Hamlet's head, and Hamlet give him THE death glare. I don't think anyone has perfected that look better than Hamlet has. It's usually reserved for when you come too close to his leather pack, where he keeps a stash of goldpieces.

"If you were—" Monty begins.

Hamlet groans, covering up Monty's last word.

"It'd be okay," Kenshin singsongs. "I mean, 'cause hey, we'd like you anyway!"

"Shut up," I say.

They do. I clear my throat. Dawn gives me an approving look before standing and gently pulling Ava with her.

"We'll be upstairs while you boys talk," she says. Ava goes with a last big-brown-eyed glance backwards: an expression of curiosity visible even through the frog mask.

"Hamlet, you can tell me," I say, trying my best to look comforting and caring like the nurses in the Duel Arena.

Hamlet meets my eyes for a second before looking away. A blush creeps up his throat, and he glowers half-heartedly as Kenshin elbows him to spit it out. "I…"

"Yes?" I turn my ear towards him. "I'm here to listen. I'm here for you." Corny but true. He's one of my best buddies.

Hamlet gives me a stony look before opening his mouth again. "I…"

Monty stands and bellows, "He's got a thing for Cheesecracker!" Cheesecracker is my other best buddy in the world.

Wait? Got a thing? Like a present? I give Hamlet a sympathetic glance and then notice that he's knocking his head against the table. That can't be good for his braincells… I pull him away from the table. "If he didn't accept your present, you'll just have to try again. Persistence either works or…"

"Makes someone hate you forever and ever," Kenshin finishes with gusto. "But that's not—"

"Is it Cheesecracker's birthday?" I interrupt with some anxiety. This means I have to find a present fast. Unless Cheesecracker won't accept presents? I know people like that. Party-poopers…

Hamlet stands and shakes my shoulders, making me dizzy. "No, it's not his birthday!" he says in despair. "I'm just in love with him."

"He admitted it," Monty says to Kenshin in a stage whisper.

"Oh," I say.

"Oh," Hamlet groans before resting his head on the bar table. "He's just…so sarcastic."

"Um…" Yes, Cheesecracker is a rather cranky fellow.

"And it turns you—"

Kenshin covers Monty's mouth so the redhead can't complete the question. "Let's keep this PG, man."

"Freak, tell them to go away," Hamlet grumbles. I give Monty and Kenshin apologetic looks and then shove one and then the other chef out of the bar.

"Go make some more pies," I tell them at the threshold of the Blue Moon Inn. They salute me and solemnly promise to make pies and deliver them to Hamlet's house within a fortnight.

"Uh…" They scurry away before I can warn them that Hamlet likely won't let them in. When I head back towards the bar, I see Hamlet staring morosely at the bartender as if considering buying another beer.

"So," I say, taking the seat beside him, "now that you've admitted it and the world hasn't ended, what's the problem?"

Hamlet sighs, like a man over his lover. "Cheesecracker is oblivious."

"Then tell him."

"He'll kill me," Hamlet groans.

"Why?"

"Because he's Cheesecracker." Indeed, Cheesecracker is not the touchy-feely sort.

I twiddle my thumbs and then ask, "What if he feels the same way?"

The expression on Hamlet's face makes me instantly depressed. Despair beyond despair pools in his dark eyes. "He doesn't. He has a girlfriend. He switches girlfriends every day actually…"

Every day? How does he find so many girls that are willing to deal with him? 'Tis a mystery. I jump as Hamlet claps my shoulder. "Don't worry about me, Freak. You already have a quest to do."

"I can help you too. My friends come first," I declare.

After suppressing a hiccup, Hamlet gives me an indulgent smile. "Noble but not practical."

"I hope there's nothing in the world that would stop you from helping me if I needed help," I say offhandedly. "Not even a dragon."

"Take care of your dragon first. I'll manage…" Standing, Hamlet wobbles towards the door before collapsing. When I reach him, he's dead asleep.

Poor guy. Footsteps make me glance over my shoulder. Dawn and Ava sans the frog head have come back down. Both of them raise their eyebrows at Hamlet's prone body and then stare at me. "I didn't kill him," I protest.

"That isn't suspicious in the least," Dawn mutters as Ava stifles a giggle.

We all whip around in surprise as someone enters the bar. A thin, hunched man with a brown beard hobbles over to consider Hamlet. In his gray suit, he looks like a business man. His eyes gleam an unusual silver color. "What happened to the lad?"

"Love happened to him," I sigh. "Uh, who are you?"

The man gives us a wide grin. "Me? Why, I am Suspi Cheeus ©! I may be able to help in this matter of love."

Suspi, huh? He doesn't look much like a love guru, but the cliché goes that appearances can be deceiving, and for Hamlet's sake, I hope it is.


	5. Riddle Me This

**Chapter 5 Riddle Me This**

Suspi (though he doesn't help us) has us carry Hamlet all the way to Falador. By Falador, I mean the outskirts of the great white city where are there too many trees and too many footpaths for my liking. We take one path that seems to lead nowhere but deeper into the trees. Broken fencing lines the route. I haven't been anywhere near here before, but at least, Dawn seems to be in tour guide mode.

"This is the road to the Crafting Guild. And the Makeover Mage," she murmurs. "Down that road is Rimmington."

The name rings a spine-tingling bell: Rimmington, near where the refuges from Crandor made camp and later got roasted by a very angry, ferocious dragon. I shiver, and Dawn takes my hand in hers. "Cold?" she asks me with a skeptical look.

I smile weakly back. "Just thinking." She knows me too well. She knows I'm thinking about the dragon. Her grip on my hand gives me courage to believe I'll take down that dragon somehow. Uh…maybe I should just worry about the map for now.

"Where are we going anyway?" I ask.

"The Makeover Mage," Suspi says with a twinkle in his eyes. No one's eyes have the right to be that twinkly…

Dawn glances down at Hamlet and considers for a moment. "He might make a pretty girl."

Wait? What? Perhaps noticing my goggled-eye look, Dawn explains, "The Makeover Mage can switch your gender."

But…but… "Then how do we know if someone is really a girl or a really a guy if you can switch at will?" I ask, flabbergasted.

Suspi's lip curls upward with amusement. "Well, not quite at will. Usually one must pay a 3000gp fee, but the Mage will gladly help your friend on my behalf." He talks so fancy. I don't like it for some reason.

"Does it matter if we know a person's real gender?" Ava answers my question with her own.

I frown. "A little. Not really. Dawn—"

"We **HAVE** met, so…" she interrupts.

"I know," I butt in. "Wait, you still remember there's a world outside this one?"

Dawn lifts an eyebrow. "Yes."

"Have you tried logging out?"

"Yes…"

"But you can't!" I whip out my calculatormabob and point at it. Where the log out button should be there's….a log out button. Now everyone is looking at me as if I've gone loco.

Dawn pats my head, and my skin goes hot at the touch. "Maybe you should take a break before taking on the rest of the quest."

A sudden nagging suspicion makes me pause. The log out button had disappeared when I was with Tigerstar. Carrying Hamlet's legs and stumbling at my sudden stop, Ava gives me a resentful look. Strangely enough, Suspi has taken no notice whatsoever of her scars. Then, when I give Ava an apologetic look, I see her face as it would be without scars. I nearly drop Hamlet's upper half in shock.

Ava steps away, stretching poor Hamlet, as I gawk. "What?"

"Freak, what's gotten into you?" Dawn nudges me away and hooks her hands under Hamlet's arms, so that half his entire weight is in her hands alone and out of my unreliable ones. "Head back to Falador and then towards the mountain. Go speak to the oracle. We'll meet you at the Rising Sun Inn when you're done."

Suspi makes no comment as I, wounded by Dawn's scolding, stumble away. As they walk off, I hear him say, "Well, let's hurry." When I turn to look at them, I catch Suspi smiling at me. You know those warm, sunny smiles that are sickeningly sweet? Well, it's one of those, except inverse, inverted and pure evil.

When I try to step towards the quickly disappearing party, I realize I'm frozen in place. I command my legs to continue moving, and they're as still as posts. How could I have been stupid enough to suspect innocent Tigerstar? It's Suspi who's been messing with my mind. I really ought to take more stock in the phrase "stranger danger."

"NO! Come back!" I want to wail, but my throat is clogged too. I manage a squawk that sounds like a dying parrot. A few minutes pass until the tension in my legs vanishes. I run in the direction they had gone in, but they're long out of sight.

Well, Dawn can take care of herself and the others. I hope. Maybe, I muse as I walk back towards Falador, I had imagined that evil smile. When I dig out the calculatormabob once more, the log out button is gone again. Maybe the missing log out button is part of this fantasy I've concocted for seemingly no apparent reason. Or perhaps a fantasy to cope with Dawn's rejection of me. Maybe the bottom line is: I'm going crazy.

Well, crazy or not, I'm going to finish the quest. Thus, feeling determined and motivated, I stomp all the way to Falador. Okay, so the feeling isn't determination. More like frustration.

By the time I pass by the dwarves (all of whom seem strangely wary of me), and I'm halfway to Ice Mountain, my frustration fades to anxiety. What if Dawn and the others aren't okay? What if Suspi…kills them? Somehow my mind can't conjure the picture of that hunched, little man killing anyone. He seems too frail. Of course, that may be the very fatal mistake his last victims made before they were…

I let the thought trail away. I pass by another dwarf, and he flinches away, raising his steel pickaxe. "What is it?" I sound like a petulant little child who's been deprived of cookies, but I can't help it.

"We are not cute. Nor are we teddy bears," the dwarf says with a serious face. Meanwhile, I can't help laughing.

Teddy bears? Okay, dwarves are cute but not that cute! Wait…did I just admit that teddy bears are cute? At least, I didn't say it out loud. That fact eases the slight blow to my manly pride.

The dwarf frowns. "It is no laughing matter. There was a lunatic who came around earlier and began hugging us all."

"Well, I'm not that lunatic." Well, maybe in a few more days, I'll be like that crazy guy, hugging dwarves left and right.

The dwarf prods me with the steel pickaxe, and I'm immediately sober. By the serious set of his little face, I can tell more laughter would possibly result in a beating with a pick-axe. "Anyway," I say breezily, "where's the Oracle?"

"Up the mountain," the dwarf replies, rather unhelpful and grumpy: understandably, I suppose, since being hugged against your will is a form of molestation.

I bow to him and grin as the paranoid dwarf lifts his pickaxe. "Thank you, sir dwarf."

Then I'm on my way to Ice Mountain again, picking my way through the forest, when I run straight into Dave, the green-haired guy. He blinks for a moment and then snarls at me. It seems he has a bone to pick with me. Well, maybe he just wants to make bones of me…

I dodge as he lunges for my throat. "Hey, I'm busy," I tell him. "No time for picking fights."

Dave gives a great "hahahahahahahahahahaha." Though I am often guilty of exaggeration, his laugh does last for quite some time. The corner of his eye twitches as soon as he's finished cackling. "No one makes a fool out of me. I am special. I was specially chosen."

I back away. Special Boy is scaring me, but even so, I question him, "Who chose you?"

"The master," Dave says, taking a step forward for every step I take backward. Then, suddenly, there are no more steps to take backward. My back has hit a dirt cliff.

"Who is your master?" A smart minion would not reveal his master's name, but I ask anyway.

Dave smirks. "Blade. You already know him."

"I do?" Blade? I ruminate for a moment, casually sidestepping as Dave runs at me. He really needs to try a new fighting method. Then my bruise throbs as a hammer hits my side. I stumble away and find a rune warhammer in my face.

Then, Dave, his mouth open in a surprised "o" shape, drops the warhammer, nearly on my foot. I have to withdraw my leg fast to avoid another unpleasant bruise. Behind Dave stands a man with a cool brown cavalier hat and blood-red chainmail. He considers the comatose Dave for a moment before bringing down his hand in a vicious karate-chop like motion to Dave's neck. Broke the man's spine, I'm guessing.

Right before my eyes, Dave dissipates, leaving behind a pile of bones instead of the cold corpse that I had expected. The assassin's tawny eyes, which match the hair grown slightly past the guy's muscular shoulders, flick to me.

"I love assassins," I say, my voice high-pitched with nervousness. "They are simply awesome."

He raises an eyebrow at me. "I'm a mercenary."

"My mistake." So, if Dave was working for Blade, who I still don't remember meeting, does that mean the mercenary's on my side? Or does it merely mean he's working for another person who happens to have minions? "So…"

"Well, that was easy," the mercenary says with a smirk. "Not that I expect anyone to match my strength."

I blink and then wince at the pain flooding my body. "Why did you kill him? I mean, you could have just taken that warhammer away and given him a scolding. Or…"

He doesn't even bother continuing the conversation. Instead, hefting a long bow with blackened, clawed ends to his hip, he starts walking away. I've never seen a bow like that before. Then again, I've never seen a guy like him before. His armor seems so fancy, almost foreign.

"What's your name?" I call after him once I'm on my feet again. Even the simple movement of getting up sends jolts of agony up towards my spleen.

The mercenary freezes, his shoulders rigid with annoyance. Then those muscular shoulders relax, perhaps as he realizes that I could do no real harm with that information. "Reaver Coyot."

"I'm Freak." By the way he walks out of sight, I can tell that he could care less about my name.

Hmm. Reaver. Thinking back to my vocabulary lessons, I recognize the name as a verb meaning "to tear away." How appropriate for a mercenary. And this Blade fellow, who I apparently know but don't recall meeting, has a similarly scary name.

When I finish my musings, my ribs scream in agony, a reminder that Dave probably broke a bunch. The sooner I…I can't even finish the thought as my knees falter, and I collapse. I grasp at the grass tickling my nose until even my fingers grow still and numb.

...

I wake to the light brushing of fingers along my forehead. Gasping for breath, I open my eyes. "Tigerstar?"

She exhales in relief. Her gray eyes shimmer at me, and I blush like an idiot. "You were nearly…" She trails off and shows me a leftover quarter of cake. "A guy named Monty gave me a random cake in Barbarian Village. I was walking to Falador when I saw you. I forced some cake down your throat. I hope you don't mind?"

"Mind?" I laugh. "You saved my life! Thank you."

Tigerstar blushes and stands, brushing off her skirt. "Where were you going?"

"To the Oracle on top of Ice Mountain." I stand and stretch, glad to feel my bruises gone. The cake is not a lie. The cake just saved me. "Want to come along?"

Looking distressed, Tigerstar turns away. What did I say this time? "Sorry," I immediately apologize.

"It's not you," she replies. "I shouldn't have acted so cold earlier. You're such a nice person to still invite me along. Of course, you would help anyone, even that…Ava, is her name?"

I nod. That what? Uneasiness floods me as Tigerstar loops an arm around my waist. I have to wonder if Mordred would approve. Mordred isn't here, the evil part of my mind argues.

She gives me a sweet smile. "Let's go?"

"Sure." Encountering no more mysterious minions, we reach the mountain and pick a path through the snow to the top. By the time we see the lady with two broad streaks of red across each cheek and another red mark creeping up from between her eyebrows to her hairline, I'm too tired and cold to scream in terror.

Her eyes are black holes with pinpricks of yellow, an eerie sight against her slightly blue- tinged skin. If she's a Smurf, she's the strangest one I've ever seen. Chances are, she's not an overgrown Smurf. I suppose it would be impolite to ask.

"Hi there," I offer. "Do you know—"

The Oracle widens her eyes and then snorts. "Hi there? I should be paid more for this…"

Paid? "It's your job?"

"To aid clueless adventures," she returns.

Snippy, are we?

"I'm not telling you anything until I start getting paid more." The Oracle crosses her arms.

I must admit her crimson top and skirt are rather ragged. Still, why now? "But…but," I try my best, trembly innocent-child voice, "how can I possibly get a map piece if you don't help me? Us adventurers need you."

"We adventurers need you," the Oracle corrects my grammar with a shake of her head. "Please, don't ever attempt to flatter someone. The next person may not be so merciful to you."

I grin, and Tigerstar laughs. "You mean, you'll tell me where the map piece is?"

The Oracle sighs. "Yes." She lifts her arms and raises her eyes to the Heavens. "Listen to me well. You will find what you seek when you solve this riddle…"

Riddles! Tons of fun! Slaying a dragon is hard enough, but to add a riddle and a maze and torn maps into the bargain…

The oracle proclaims dramatically, so her voice echoes in my ears:

"The map's behind a door below/

but entering is rather tough./

This is what you need to know:/

You must use the following stuff./

First, a drink used by a mage./

Next, some worm string, changed to sheet./

Then, a small crustacean cage./

Last, a bowl that's not seen heat."

Oh, it rhymed! I do love rhymes, but the actual contents of the riddle have already escaped my mind. "Could you repeat that? Slowly?" I say as I rummage in my pack for my map. At last, this useless piece of parchment will come in handy!

The Oracle gives me THE look. Tigerstar grips my arm and pulls me away. I'm too depressed to protest. When we're off the mountain, Tigerstar cups my chin with her long, lovely fingers.

"No worries," she says. "I memorized the riddle."

I beam at her, and she waves at me like it's nothing. "It's the least I can do," she adds. "Shall we go find the items in the riddle?"

Items? At my puzzled look, Tigerstar recites patiently (admirable that), "The map's behind a door below/but entering is rather tough."

She gives me a moment until I point excitedly at Ice Mountain. "There's a door under the mountain! In the Dwarven Mines! That we have to unlock…somehow…"

Tigerstar nods, making her pigtails fly up charmingly. I have to stop distracting myself… She continues coaching me through the riddle until I've figured it out. Why do you have to unlock a door with the most random array of stuff in all of Runescape?

"Shall we go get the items?" Tigerstar inquires, practically jogging in place with excitement. She reminds me for a moment of me as a noob, albeit prettier and less clumsy.

I take her hands with perfectly innocent intent. "Sure, but first I have to meet Dawn, Ava and…" I can't call the girl Hamlet by his real name. "And another friend at the Rising Sun," I finish.

Looking apprehensive, Tigerstar tells me, "I'll come with you, but I won't talk to Ava."

I pretend to give her a reproachful look. Then the expression slips from my face as she gives me an innocent, wide-eyed expression in return. Not talking to people doesn't solve problems, but maybe it's better if Tigerstar keeps her mouth shut around Ava. Ah, crap, that's assuming Ava and the others are still alive to meet me in Falador. Suspi better not have harmed a hair on their heads!

"Let's go." I feel guilty all of a sudden, especially since Tigerstar's arm is around my waist again. But what else could I have done? Suspi made sure I couldn't follow them. When I find them, that weird man is getting a serious beatdown. Well, maybe…if the pacifist in me will allow it.


	6. All the World's a Stage

**Chapter 6 All the World's a Stage**

When I enter the Rising Sun Inn, Emily the barmaid gives me a warm wave, which I return with a weak grin. Beside me, Tigerstar gasps as the prettiest girl, with long, black curls and emerald eyes, comes out of nowhere and squishes me into a hug.

"Holy crap," I wheeze, and the girl steps back to consider me with concern.

"Do you think this will work?" she asks. Disregarding the question for a moment, I look over her shoulder to find Ava and Dawn sniggering at me. They've just come downstairs.

I turn my gaze back to the girl. "Hamlet?"

"Helen," he—er, she—supplies. "But, yes."

"Where's Suspi?" I ask, strongly aware that Helen's curled hands are resting on my chest. Wait, those are Hamlet's hands! I step back, blushing like mad, and Helen gives me THE look.

"Suspi left," Helen answers. "Don't you dare look at me like that again!"

I scratch my head. "I know, I know. You're for Cheesecracker only."

Tigerstar, Dawn, and Ava all have a laugh at my expense, but Hamlet crosses his arms. "I love you, Freak, but not quite like that. What do you mean 'Cheesecracker only'? I'm not a possession. Sheesh, being a girl sucks."

"Sometimes, it does," Tigerstar agrees, and Ava suddenly ducks away, behind Dawn. Ava's face is back to normal: scarred, that is.

"Guys treat me like I'm fragile, just because I have different body parts..." Helen trails off delicately.

I'm blushing terribly when Dawn nudges me. I flinch, remembering the pain I've suffered from her pokes. Oh, maybe I'm just exaggerating the pain of her pokes. Or imagining it. Maybe this whole adventure is a construct of my mind.

"Did you find the Oracle?" Dawn asks me.

"Yes. Tigerstar helped me interpret the riddle."

Dawn snorts. "You should do the quest by yourself."

"Yes, you should," Ava suddenly says, creeping me out by appearing behind me, her face looming near my shoulder. "Don't depend on that girl for anything."

I facepalm and then snatch Dawn's hand to drag her up the stairs. I ignore Ava's pleading look. Tigerstar won't kill her while we're gone, I tell her tacitly with a brief glare. At least, that's what I hoped my expression conveyed.

Upstairs, the drunk man grins blearily at us before stumbling to the other end of the room. Dawn crosses her arms. "Any particular reason you dragged me up here?" she inquires with a hostility that makes my heart droop.

"You don't have to be jealous, you know."

"I'm not jealous!"

"Yes, you are."

"Of Tigerstar? Trust me, I am not vying for your affections with her."

I stare at my beloved Dawn. "Wait…you mean, we were nothing official?"

She jabs at my shoulder with a finger. I flinch away. "When did I ever say you were my boyfriend?"

I take a moment to think. Sorting through my memories, I find that she's right. Dawn has never said anything about us being…together together. "You mean, I've been living a lie?" I wail.

"Apparently," she returns. "In your imaginary world."

"Oh, that makes more sense now," I agree and pull her closer with a suave tug. "Are you real then? Is THIS real?" I tilt her head up a little to kiss her. The touch is brief and sweet, and for a moment, I feel a response, an echoing of the love embedded in my heart from her. Then Dawn stumbles away, her eyes wide with alarm.

"What a nice daydream," I comment.

She takes a few steps forwards to slap me. Ouch. Okay. Never mind. Painful daydream.

"Don't…"

"Ever do that again?" I finish sadly.

Then, Dawn blushes and walks away, down the stairs and out of sight. I sigh, and the drunken man wobbles over to place an elbow on my shoulder. "Angry girlfriend. Hic?"

"Not even that," I reply before heading downstairs. I meet the startled eyes of Tigerstar, Ava and Haml—Helen, and shrug, unwilling to explain.

"Let's go find Cheesecracker," I finally say. Maybe I can do some shopping for the items-that-unlock-the-magical-door on the way. Helen nods, her eyes lighting up. Ava scurries towards me, giving an aloof Tigerstar wary glances all the while. "Uh…give me a second."

As I approach the bar, Emily grins at me and asks, "Heya! What can I get you?"

"What ales are you serving?" I feel a need to ask. I buy the appropriate drink and tuck it into my backpack. Helen gives me a sheepish glance, perhaps remembering her (his) earlier splurge on drinks. "Let's go now!" I say.

…

Varrock Square is flooded with people. For some reason, it makes me feel lonelier than ever. I see couples chatting near the fountain, holding hands. No one else seems to notice the impossible happening around them. Maybe no one has run into any gun-wielding NPCs yet. Anyway, one of the couples includes Cheesecracker and a brunette wearing mage robes. I stride into their line of vision with Ava clinging to my arm. Man, she's getting paranoid with Tigerstar around…

"Hey," Cheesecracker growls at me. His sandy hair is ruffled to its maximum, roguish messiness, his green eyes piercing and alert as he takes in the people intruding on his date. I would hate to interrupt, but for Hamlet's sake…

"Iymnota Yvlpersun is the name," the brunette says with a giggle.

"I'm Freak," I return, feeling like I've missed an obvious but terrible pun. I nudge Ava, but before she can introduce herself, Tigerstar steps forward with a beam.

"I'm Tigerstar," she says with a perky flip of her pigtails.

"Ava," Ava mumbles, her face still shadowed by my shoulder.

Cheesecracker rolls his eyes. Then he catches sight of Helen. His mouth opens for a moment; his eyes fill with confusion and then recognition. "Hamlet, you make for a hot girl."

Helen blushes and turns away. With dismay? Embarrassment? I'm pretty sure my mouth is hanging open. Well, it must have been because Ava pushes my jaw up to shut it. How the heck did Cheesecracker know… "How the heck—" I begin.

"It's the way he holds himself," Cheesecracker explains, looping an arm around Iymnota's waist. "That's a Hamlet stance."

Helen stands straighter, rigid as a…popsicle. What? I'm not a poet! Then a brilliant idea forms in my mind. Lie, Freak, lie! "I meant how the heck could you think that Helen here is Hamlet?" I shake my head at him. "You ought to apologize for saying she stands like a dude."

Cheesecracker glowers at me, and I step back, out of smacking range. "My bad," he mutters, but Helen starts to walk away. "Hey, wait, lady!" Despite Cheesecracker's charming words, Helen keeps walking.

I wince. Tigerstar sighs and gives me a restless glance. Her eyes beg me to leave. Ava has stepped away from me to examine Iymnota. The brunette raises an eyebrow, taking in Ava's scarred face.

"Yes?" Iymnota asks.

"Nothing," Ava answers, retreating to join Helen, who is now crouched at the fountain water's side. Something's up, but now's not the time to ask. Turning back to Cheesecracker, I point with my eyes to Helen.

"You should apologize."

Cheesecracker throws his hands up in exasperation. "Fine." He goes off to join Helen, and Ava slinks back to stand beside me. Her big, brown eyes have locked onto Iymnota. Tigerstar, meanwhile, isn't looking at Iymnota. I feel like I'm in the middle of some sort of conspiracy. It's not as fun as it sounds…

"What's going on?"

"Nothing," Tigerstar replies, immediately, defensively. Nothing my butt! Why did that sound very strange inside my head? At least, it didn't escape outside my head so that three respectable girls would have heard.

Then, since the silence among us deepens, I search the Varrock Square for an annoying but familiar face. When I look, he's not there. Is this another part of the change too? "Romeo, where art thou?" I wonder. There's no sight of his mopey face or bright costume and flowers.

"Deny thy father and refuse thy name/ Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love," Tigerstar finishes. She sighs and closes her eyes. "That was always my favorite story." Iymnota snorts, and Ava gives Tigerstar a ferocious look, clinging to my shoulder like a koala clings to its eucalyptus tree.

"He said 'where art thou' not wherefore art thou," Ava points out, trying to put a damper on Tigerstar's mood. I elbow her lightly in the ribs, and Ava pokes me. The gesture reminds me so much of Dawn that I start to choke up. My story and Dawn's is yet another love tragedy…well, at least, for me.

"Wait," I suddenly remember. "Where are Cheesecracker and Helen?"

Iymnota shrugs.

"You don't care?"

"I trust him."

All of a sudden, I feel bad for deceiving Iymnota. If she loves Cheesecracker that much, maybe Hamlet can go after another guy. I bet that there are better-looking fish with better attitudes than Cheesecracker in the sea. I feel less sorry for her when she pulls out a gun.

"Well, I trusted him to lead me to you," Iymnota clarifies.

Glancing over my shoulder to find Cheesecracker and Helen, both of whom have gone who-knows-where, I circle the lady with the gun until she's pointing it only at me and not Tigerstar or Ava.

"Don't any of you move!" Iymnota says, jabbing the gun against my chest. Where are the people in the Square? I peer around and find no one; they are all conveniently gone. I see how it is: fate hates me!

"Well done."

I turn towards the sound of the greasy, self-satisfied voice. Emerging from behind a nearby oak tree, Suspi's eyes glitter at me as he approaches. Instead of a gun, he carries a mage staff. His spidery fingers run themselves along the wood, emitting sparks of magical energy. If that's not a death threat, I'm a noob…

"What do you want?" I ask Suspi. Behind me, I can heard Tigerstar and Ava's rapid breathing. Darn it. We had all been caught without a single weapon. I should know better.

"First, you have to take a message to Dawn," Suspi relates, all business-like. "Tell her to stop her investigation. Or you will die a painful, slow death."

"That she'll die a painful, slow death? Or me?" I ask, trying to think of anything to get myself out of this. Maybe if I agree but don't actually do it? No, that would make me a liar.

"YOU will. Imagine how much it would torment her. After all, isn't she fond of you?" Suspi inquires with a soft laugh.

"No," I reply. "I mean…nothing to her." Even as I say it, I pray to Saradomin that it isn't true.

Iymnota pushes the gun deeper into my chest. I glower at her. "Easy. I have important organs there, you know." She gives me a look, telling me she couldn't care in the least. What a bunch of cold villains…oh wait, they are cold villains. Figures.

"Should we kill him right now?" Iymnota asks.

Suspi shakes his head. "Blade needs him."

That name again! Blade needs me? To do his dirty work? Never! "I'd rather die a thousand times than help your master!" When I meet Suspi's eyes defiantly, I gulp. Something tells me these guys would be willing to make me suffer a thousand, excruciating deaths. Even so, while I am not a masochist and hate pain with a passion, I am not a coward!

"Remember to tell Dawn," Suspi finishes before walking away. Iymnota removes the gun and tucks it somewhere down yonder. I don't want to know. At least, we know that Blade is likely the ultimate mastermind behind the changes to this world. Perhaps feeling my glower, Iymnota starts to follow Suspi and then turns her head back to say:

"Tell Cheesecracker we're over."

"Any particular reason?" Aside from her being a villain and all?

"His sarcasm was starting to get on my nerves." Iymnota then winks at me. "You should join us. I'd hate to kill a cutie like you."

Oh my. I blush as Runescapians start trickling back into the Square and Iymnota disappears into the crowd. A yelp escapes me as someone taps my shoulder. It's only Cheesecracker though.

"Where were you?" I sputter.

He gives me a shrug. "Well, I felt compelled to leave the Square for some strange reason." He frowns, placing his hands on his hips. A girl's hands covers his, slowly and sensually. Helen is standing behind him. She places her head on his shoulder, her lips sneaking towards his neck. When she reaches her objective, she makes a sound of satisfaction that causes the hairs on my head stand on end. Yikes.

"Keep it PG!" I remind them, and they both give me exasperated looks. I decide to walk away while my innocence remains untouched. "Blag!" I exclaim as someone hugs the life out of me.

"You're okay!" Tigerstar cries, bouncing away to let me breathe.

Wary, Ava watches us from a distance. I grin at her. "Don't I get a hug from you too?"

Her scarred face blushes. "If you really want one. Pervert."

I laugh weakly. "Fine, then maybe an explanation of what the heck is going on?"

Stepping past Tigerstar, Ava gives me a brief hug. "I wish I knew."

"Did you recognize Iymnota?"

She nods. "I did, but I have no idea where I've met her."

That must be frustrating, but Ava looks happy for once. I nudge her. "Let's get out of here. I think Cheesecracker and Helen want some alone time."

Tigerstar giggles, and Ava slips her hand into mine. I blink at her in surprise, but Ava grips my hand fiercely. "You're crushing my fingers," I point out with a slight wince.

"Ah, sorry!" She bows her head in that quaint way she has and then stumbles towards the city path leading towards Varrock's West bank. I follow since I have no idea where to go next. Then Tigerstar's whisper freezes me.

"She's in love with you."

"No, she's not."

"Do you love her?"

"Don't ask complicated questions," I snap, and Tigerstar laughs.

"She's an idiot if she thinks any man would be interested in her."

Wheeling around and alarming a random Runescapian walking behind me, I can't help snapping, "You shouldn't judge by appearances."

Tigerstar tilts her head. "Can you stop anyone from judging by appearances?"

"No…"

"Besides," Tigerstar continues, "I think her clinginess would drive any sane man crazy."

"I have a quest to do," I say to the ground. "Come on."

Quiet now, Tigerstar trails me. Now I can stew in my questions. What if I'm not a sane man? What about Dawn and me? What about that dragon I have to fight? What's up with Suspi and Iymnota? And Blade? Not to mention the cult that tortured Ava and hunts noobs? How many bad guys are out there? I shiver.

"Cold?" Tigerstar asks.

"Nah." Just scared out of my wits.


	7. An Attempt to Make an Unfired Bowl

**Chapter 7 An Attempt to Make an Unfired Bowl**

"Even though she broke up with you first, that was still sleazy," I send the message to Cheesecracker as Ava, Tigerstar and I walk towards Barbarian Village.

"I know," he returns before adding, "Iymnota and I weren't serious, Freak. So relax. I doubt this fling with Helen will be serious either. Wait, why the heck am I telling you this?"

"Because I am so open and so compelling that you have to spill your darkest secrets to me," I type into the calculatormabob and send it with a grin. So glad that the messaging system still works. Even if the logout button is still missing.

A pause before his response: "Right. If I need psychoanalysis, I'll come right to you." I can feel his sarcasm emanating from my calculatormabob. Ha, typical Cheesecracker. Tigerstar's arm brushes against mine, distracting me. "Hey," I say, still feeling a smile on my face.

"You're not worried about what Suspi is up to?" she asks, watching me take out the wet clay I had painstakingly mined and dipped into a bucket of water before we had left Varrock.

I nod. "A little, but what can we do right now?" No point in panicking. I figure I may as well enjoy life now while Runescape still exists in relative order. So, I can't help squishing the clay between my hands with utter glee before starting to construct a blob that looks vaguely like a dog. I hear a giggle. Ava is looking at me with a half-exasperated, half-amused expression.

"You're acting like a little kid," she tells me as I peel the clay from my fingers and place the lump back into my leather bag.

It's my turn to apologize. "Sorry."

"You're sorry? I'll make you sorry!" A barbarian strides up to me and raises an axe larger than his own oval-shaped head. He's the hugest barbarian I've ever seen…and also one of the most clothed with an impressive display of bearskins draped across his stocky body.

That's a new line of dialogue for barbarians, I realize as the axe comes veering for my head. Especially that use of a contraction. As I duck and he misses, the barbarian's eyes turn rabid red. I push Tigerstar and Ava out of the way and then punch the barbarian in the face. My gut clenches. Killing human NPCs gives me a guilt complex like you wouldn't believe. Only killing unicorns doesn't produce a speck of guilt because I am currently nursing a grudge against unicorns. Not that anyone needs to know why…

I turn my thoughts back to the battle, which should have been over. However, the barbarian is still standing. His nose is slightly crooked though, and he reaches up to fix it with a nasty "crack" sound. He should be dead! A pile o' bones!

"BAHAHA!" the barbarian cackles, raising the axe above his head to bring it down with maximum impact. Thanks a lot, Gravity. No wonder I never liked physics… "Huh?" the barbarian grunts and pauses to rub the back of his head. I wonder what that unpleasant "thunk" was?

"Hey, stupid! I'm behind you!"

Oh no. "Ava! You insane…" She's as weaponless as I am!

"Be quiet, Freak!" Ava snaps as the barbarian starts lumbering in her direction. Her eyes narrow at me and then she inclines her head at the brute about to crush her skull in. Oh, I get it.

I land a blow with my fists on the barbarian's bare back and then grimace; he's all sweaty. My knuckles crack in protest at the impact. The man's like a brick building! Fists will do nothing but tickle him. Well, at least, Ava's safe for the moment as he roars like a bear and turns towards me, knocking me with a stray, meaty paw. The impact is like a train glancing off the side of my face.

As I fall flat onto my back, I can already feel a fresh bruise forming. Tigerstar kneels beside me, blocking my view of our opponent and Ava. Before I can nudge Tigerstar away, I hear a yowl of pain. When I can stand and finally see, Ava is still frozen in front of the barbarian, but they're both motionless. Shocked, Ava steps away to reveal a guy in rune armor behind them.

"Iustitia et libertas!" With those fancy words, the guy pulls a bloody rune scimitar from the barbarian's back. The monster falls flat on his face, sending tremors through the ground. Ava turns her face away from the gore, and I dry-heave at the sight of the pool of blood in the grass outside Barbarian Village. Pah, good thing I didn't have lunch today…wait, I never have set meal-times here.

With a grimace, Ava's savior wipes his scimitar on the grass, dropping it as he catches sight of Ava's face, and then picks it up sheepishly. Then he nods at Ava. "Are you okay?"

"Fine. I would have been fine," she returns with a frown. We all step back in surprise as the barbarian's body dissolves into dust and bones. The ground seems to soak up the blood. Ug, my stomach can't take much more…

"That wasn't a barbarian," says another unfamiliar voice. A hooded dude wearing a blue dragon mask is standing beside Tigerstar. Her eyes are wide with fright. I step forward to defend her from the masked guy, but there's no need. Breaking out of her shock, she careens into me and places her head against my chest.

"That was a player, who happened to look like a barbarian," Dragonmask guy says. "There are some mean folks running around, so now it's dangerous around here for noobs. That guy would have made fishsticks out of you all."

"I'm not a noob…or a fish," I tell him. Really? I just wanted to make my unfired bowl and along comes a crazy guy pretending to be a barbarian! What did I do to deserve this? "Who are you two anyway?"

"Armadylspark," the guy with the dragon mask says. Through the spiky blue mask, past the dragony snout, I see a glitter of very blue, intelligent eyes. He reminds me a little of my friend Bluestar for some reason. The other guy, wearing a Guthix platebody, has spiky white hair and dark eyes.

"You're almost the same level as me," Guthix-boy notices. He holds out a hand, which I look at but don't touch. It has blood on it… "Oh, right. Sorry. Well, I'm Enddragon." With a grin, he takes the silk cloth Armadyl offers him and wipes his hand.

"I'm Freak," I say, wondering if a bloodied silk cloth would do the job of unlocking the door. Maybe I'll just get a new one…Remembering my manners, I nod first at Ava, who is lurking on my left side and then at Tigerstar, who is hovering on my right. "These two are Ava and Tigerstar."

"A pleasure to meet you, ladies." Enddragon gives a bow, coming up with a handsome grin. Ava blushes.

Armadylspark sighs, and Enddragon explains, "I've been in a medieval mood lately."

"Ah, a chivalrous knight," Tigerstar sighs happily. "Like Mordred."

"Mordred," Armadylspark repeats. He holds his hand slightly above his head. "Yea tall? Black hair with streaks of red? Blue eyes?"

Tigerstar nods. Wow. Mordred sounds badah—I mean, cool yet scary at the same time. She asks her next question with such passion that I feel a pang. Of jealousy? No way, José! Maybe a little…

"Do you know where he is?" Her eyes flicker to Enddragon, who shrugs.

"Wasn't he the guy we saw at the CAN meeting?" he suggests to Armadylspark, who has taken up a thinking pose.

"You're in that cult?"

Perhaps noticing my alarmed look, Enddragon assures me, "No worries. I joined the group as a joke. I don't know about him though." He laughs and jabs a finger in Armadylspark's direction, and Armadylspark gives him THE look even through that mask of his. Hamlet is such a bad influence on the world; he's spreading that evil death-stare everywhere!

"I joined to see what they were up to," Armadylspark explains with an indignant sniff. "There was a man, always hooded, who preached to us. He entreated us to aid their leader, Blade, in ridding the world of the nuisance of noobs. He had a few valid points…but they were too extremist for me. They even spoke about imploding noobs. I left, of course."

So, Blade is CAN's leader? Wait…did he just say imploding noobs? Somehow I don't think it refers to the fireworks whenever a person levels. I bet they actually mean combustion…

"I distinctly remember you staying for the entire duration of that meeting." Enddragon prods the other warrior with an elbow, and Armadylspark swats him away, muttering, "It was an interesting theory!"

"Interesting, hmm?" Enddragon bounces away, a twinkle in his dark eyes, before tripping and falling flat on his back. "Holy crap, did I just trip over a pebble?" Crawling through the grass, he finds the offending pebble and holds it up with a smile.

Man, did I just find someone clumsier than I am? That makes my rotten day seem a little better.

"Well done," Armadylspark deadpans as Enddragon stands and tosses the pebble over his shoulder.

"Thank you," the other man returns without any bitterness.

Glancing between the two warriors, Tigerstar murmurs, "What about Mordred? What was he doing at the meeting?" She already looks heartbroken. If Mordred has joined CAN, then wouldn't he hate noobs? And Tigerstar, as much as she doesn't look it, is technically a noob. Thus, by the transitive property, Mordred would hate her too.

"He was standing beside CAN's preacher like this." Enddragon crosses his arms, furrows his eyebrows, scowls and tilts his hips until he's standing crookedly. "He was officially introduced to everyone at one meeting. That's why I remember him." Then Enddragon returns to his happy self.

"Mordred's one of CAN's main cronies now?" Ava realizes. This time, I don't think she meant to be vindictive, but Tigerstar gives her a hateful look before burying her head into my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Lady Tigerstar," Enddragon adds as Tigerstar begins to cry. "I wish we could help. Heck, can I help? I've wanted to go on an adventure!"

"Can we help?" Armadylspark corrects.

"There's no 'we,'" Enddragon replies.

Before they can continue their argument, I ask, "Where can we find the cult?" Please let them know! "Where does CAN meet?"

"Ironically, the Temple of Saradomin. Paterdomus," Armadylspark tells me. Enddragon nods in agreement.

Paterwhatnow? My tour of Runescape (with Redseed and Fireheart-Dawn's sister-as my way-too-patient-for-their-own-good guides) didn't include that place. The two guys each grab one of my arms. Um…why do I feel like I'm about to be kidnapped?

"I'll bring you guys there," Armadylspark assures Tigerstar. She blinks away tears and nods. "You guy mustn't have explored beyond the free player boundaries, I guess."

Boundaries? Then I remember those doors that I could never open, the very edges of Runescape as I know it. Paterdomus must lie beyond those boundaries.

"WE will bring you there," Enddragon mutters. "I'm coming too."

I suppose a party of five is better than a party of me and two weaponless girls. I shake the two of them off and start heading into Barbarian Village. "I'll be right back! I have to make that unfired bowl…"

Still, I wonder why we suddenly have access to more of Runescape as I navigate to the correct hut. This reeks of trouble. I soothe my close-to-panicking soul with the feel of clay spinning on the potter's wheel. The bowl turns out lopsided, but it brings tears of pride to my eyes.

This widening of the world isn't good, I realize as I place the bowl in the oven, because if we can go to new areas, whatever (or whoever) was there in the first place can probably come into our world too. Wait…the bowl…

I pull it out quickly, acquiring first degree burns in the process and producing a half unfired bowl. It'll do. I hope.

"You're lucky to have escaped that 'barbarian' with your life, kid," drawls a voice behind me.

Where did he come from? Kid? I straighten. I'm not a kid! I whip around and find Reaver Coyot blocking my way out of the barbarian hut. "Are you here to finish the job for him?"

Reaver shrugs. "I just wanted to see how you'd fare against Humbaba. Blade wants to test your strength. I think he's wasting his time."

Humbaba is indeed a fitting name for a warrior who resembles a barbarian. "Ah, you're working for Blade too?" I deduce brilliantly. "Why did you kill Dave then?"

Reaver steps closer, his gaze giving me the heebie-jeebies. "Dave pursued you without orders, and so I punished him."

"By killing him?"

"Dave came back. Surely you knew that?"

So if you die, you still come back. That still hasn't changed, thank Saradomin. "Ah, so everyone comes back. Then…what's the point of killing me?"

"Didn't you ask for a thousand painful deaths? Death in Runescape is no longer painless anymore. Dave isn't the same person any more. He's much more… compliant!" Reaver holds up a crossbow with a rune-tipped bolt. "Here's death number one!"

NOO! I don't want to die! I throw my half unfired bowl at him, and the rune bolt shatters the bowl instead of burying itself in my skull. While the mercenary is perplexed for a moment, I take the opportunity to push past him. A dagger catches me in the back, but I keep running. Dang it, I've lost my unfired bowl! It's a step backward for my quest! To top it all off, I'm bleeding all over the place…

Somehow, even with pain shooting through my body, I make it onto the grassy area outside Barbarian village where the others are waiting. Wide-eyed, they all rush to me. I feel the dagger come out of my back and then…blackness.


	8. Getting the Job Done

**Chapter 8 Getting the Job Done**

The place around me looks very much like Lumbridge: the castle, the courtyard, the players milling around me with no purpose. I've died! I haven't died for ages! When I finally move my limbs, I feel heavy and rheumatic: like I've aged a hundred years.

"Free stoof plox." A guy who's pink from head to toe holds out his hands to me, begging and beseeching. He's one of the many lazy bums hanging around the castle.

"Go away," I say, irritated. A moment later, I feel guilt pool in my stomach as the pink guy stumbles away, his head hanging down with misery. "Wait!" I call after him. "Here's a coin."

Like a puppy eager for a treat, he comes scurrying back and holds out a hand. I drop it into his palm, and then turning away, contemplate what needs to be done. When I turn around to leave Lumbridge Castle, the pink-haired bum is standing there, watching me with eyes as round as the moon.

"More stoof plox?"

"No!" I reply, trying my best to look stern and intimidating.

Then the beggar shrieks and hops forward, almost crashing into me. Watching the guy slink away like a beaten dog, Dawn retracts her index finger back into her fist. She gives me a polite smile. "There are more beggars around than usual."

"Another part of the changes?" I ask, feeling my heart jump to my throat at the sight of her. When she steps closer, I realize I can't say a single word. I want to apologize for all my stupid feelings. If she doesn't want my love, then why should she have to put up with me? My love isn't worth a single gold-piece. I know that. Why don't I just accept it?

"Freak, are you crying?" Dawn asks, her voice sharp with disbelief.

I touch my face, which is indeed wet. "I'm sorry for being such a baby." I manage to get the words out of my throat. "It's just that…this is too much!"

Taking pity on me, Dawn allows me the privilege of a hug. "Didn't I tell you this would be too much for you? I told you to stick to your quest."

I sniffle against her shoulder. Her hand strokes the back of my head. "It's not nice to say 'I told you so,' you know," I murmur. "But anyway, you can take me off your Friends list if you want. I didn't realize how annoying I've been, but now…you don't have to deal with me anymore. I'll just go get myself killed by Elvarg and call it a day."

Then, most cruelly, she laughs. Dawn withdraws from our precious embrace, clearing her throat and taking a wide-brimmed navy hat with goggles from her backpack. "Death really messes people up now, huh? Listen, Freak, there's no need to be emo or for me to take you off my list."

"No, take me off your list!" I beg.

"I'll poke you until your common sense returns," she threatens, and I keep quiet for the moment. Dawn places the Runecrafting hat on my head at a jaunty angle. "In a few hours, life will be brighter. I promise you." With her lovely smile on me, I can believe it.

"How did you find me?" I inquire.

"Ava sent me a message." Dawn doesn't object when I grasp her hands. I like them in my own. No poking. Plus, they just feel right in mine. Except…she doesn't feel that way. I start to back up, but she tightens her grip.

Then I remember another message. "Suspi wants you to stop investigating!" I proceed to describe the whole scene in Barbarian Village.

At the end of my woeful tale, Dawn snorts and gives me a crooked smile. "Armadylspark and Enddragon told me about Blade's cult. I can't believe anyone would mess with the game itself just to rid the world of low-leveled players. So the cult must be up to something more sinister. We just need to figure out what they're up to."

"Blade and his minions aren't going to give up their secrets easily," I say.

"If they're trying to stop us from learning about them, they're not doing a good job, are they?" Dawn considers me dryly. "Still, they've also managed to catch all of us off guard. Maybe it's time to have Fireheart, Bluestar and Redseed take a break from their vacation and help us."

They're on vacation? Catching my blank look, Dawn adds, "That was a hyperbole."

Right. Exaggeration. I know fancy words too! But I have one objection. "Thing is, if we don't stop investigating, they'll keep killing me."

We start walking, my arm looped with hers. Dawn shakes her head. "How can they kill you if you're always with me?"

"Always with you," I repeat. Yep, the future is definitely looking brighter.

"I'll be your protector. You're still helpless," Dawn sighs, and I droop. There goes my dignity and my pride. Still, I'd rather be protected by her than anyone else.

"Freak…"

"What?"

"Stop looking at me like that."

Meekly, I look in another direction. Then I glance back. "I'm still your friend, right?"

"Of course."

"Your bf?"

"Why do men always—" she starts to complain, and I place a finger over her lips. Maybe I have to be subtle about this even though subtlety is not my thing…

"Your best friend?" I correct.

She gives me a look that stops me in my tracks. No, it's not THE look. It's Dawn's special glower reserved just for me. "Freak, please…"

Without her even finishing her sentence, I understand that I should keep my mouth shut. Then I can't help talking as I realize we're headed into Lumbridge castle. "Where…?"

"You get a surprise."

I give her an ecstatic look and offer her my lips, which she ignores. Deflating, I ask, "It's not a kiss?"

"I don't think so." She jerks me a bit harder than necessary up the staircase next to the castle kitchen. I have time to give Cook a quick wave before I find myself already on the next floor. "Talk to Duke Horacio, and ask for something to protect you from dragon's breath."

Right, right. But if the duke pulls a gun on me, I'm done doing this quest! I approach the jolly-looking Duke, and he raises an eyebrow as I inch slowly to stand in front of him. I inhale and exhale.

"Greetings. Welcome to my castle," Duke Horacio, a bit hesitantly.

"I seek a shield that will protect me from dragonbreath!" I declare.

The Duke appears intrigued. "A knight going on a dragon quest, hmm? What dragon do you intend to slay?"

"Elvarg, the dragon of Crandor island!" Even saying the dragon's name gives me the shivers.

The Duke shakes his head and widens his eyes. "Elvarg? Are you sure?" Aha, I see it! An option to turn back! But I won't…

"Yes," I assure him, raising my head and grinning back at Dawn. I expect to see her smiling in approval, but she's not even there.

Horacio gives me a pitying look. What does such a look from Duke Horacio mean? Nothing good, I fear. "Well, you're a braver man than I!" he tells me, perhaps not noticing my wobbly knees.

"Uh…Why is everyone so scared of this dragon?" I need to know.

By the way the Duke takes a deep breath, I can tell its monologue time. "Back in my father's day, Crandor was an important city-state. Politically, it was as important as Falador or Varrock, and its ships traded with every port.

"But, one day when I was still little, all contact was lost. The trading ships and the diplomatic envoys just stopped coming." Looking dramatically past me, his eyes misted with remembrance, Horacio continues in a low murmur, "I remember my father being very scared. He posted lookouts on the roof, so they could warn us if the dragon was coming. All the city rulers were worried that Elvarg would devastate the whole continent."

The whole freakin' continent? Giving in to my trembling knees, I sit on the Duke's bed. "So, are you going to give me the shield or not?"

The Duke glares at me, and I stand, brushing my commoner cooties from his bed. "If you really think you're up to it, then maybe you are the one who can kill this dragon." With a nod, he hands me a rectangular orange shield with a sword-ish looking symbol. In addition to the original design, the anti-dragon shield's been gouged in three places. Whatever scratched it must have huge claws...

"Take care out there. If you kill it…If you kill it, for Saradomin's sake, make sure it's really dead!" the Duke advises me, his face pale.

Gotcha. That's totally encouraging…

Leaving the Duke's room, I cuddle my new shield and run into Dawn, who's waiting at a staircase. "Uh…put the shield away for now, Freak. We have other errands to run." Obedient, I nod and go.

Upstairs, in the bank, I part with my anti-dragon shield reluctantly. Then, I head back to Dawn, who's scrutinizing me as if I'm a patient, and she's a doctor. I tilt my head in question, but she turns away with a bemused look. I follow like a duckling follows its mother.

Minutes later, when we reach Varrock without any incidents or annoying comments from me, Dawn stops walking (I have to skid to a sudden stop) and considers me with surprised eyes. "You actually didn't say a word. Death really did take the spirit out of you."

"Where are we going?" I explode, the words coming out more eager than they ordinarily would have after being repressed so long.

"Grand Exchange. Use it. Love it."

The two black pillars on the side of the entrance to the Grand Exchange each support a statue of an enormous, outstretched hand with a number of sculpted coins. Each stone coin is probably the size of my head, and I gawk at the pillars as I pass through the entrance. I feel Dawn's gaze on me, but when I turn to look at her, her face has a small smile on it.

"Ack!" I stop at the sight of a crowd of Runescapians crowded around an octagonal desk. It's in the very middle of a gray area underneath a ceiling held up by eight, equally spaced dark pillars. Oo, fancy.

Dawn pokes me, and I squawk at the stinging pain in my arm. "Sorry, didn't mean to poke you that hard," she mutters, but she doesn't look very sorry. "Go talk to the Grand Exchange Tutor." When I continue to stare at her, she points past me at a guy in a striped blue jacket and an awesome blue, poofy hat.

I walk up to him as he scribbles away on his clipboard, and he looks up and asks in that casual NPC way, "How can I help?"

"Can you teach me about the Grand Exchange?"

Giving me a kind smile, the Tutor outlines the five steps to buy and sell items, and I fidget, really wanting to take notes just in case I forget all of this. While listening (with utmost care, of course), I wonder vaguely if he would give me his hat.

He concludes, "There's a lot more information about the Grand Exchange, all of which you can find out from Brugsen Bursen, the guy with the megaphone. I would suggest you speak to him to fully get to grips with the Grand Exchange. Good luck!"

"Thanks." I'm gonna need that luck. I turn to find the guy with the megaphone. This Brugsen Bursen is brightly colored and reminds me of a parrot, with a megaphone for a beak. I feel Dawn's hand on my arm. "No time to speak with Brugsen. Just so you know, he's the founder of the Grand Exchange," she says and drags me to the Grand Exchange desk.

"Ah, an entrepreneur. But I don't see what's so great about his Grand Exchange," I mutter. Unless his intent was to induce claustrophobia….

I'm shoved in front of a smiling lady wearing a dark purple suit and sporting a brown bun. "Hi there," I finally say as the clerk's smile fades.

"Good day to you, sir. How can I help?" she says. I puff out my chest. Finally, I'm getting some respect! Except, I think they're always polite to customers like this…With a sigh, I deflate.

"He wants to access the Grand Exchange please," Dawn interjects as I hem and haw.

"Only too happy to serve you, sir," the Grand Exchange clerk says, pulling out a gun and pointing it at my forehead. "Serve you death that is."

"Holy cow, Reaver, is that you?" I stumble back, into Dawn, who has drawn her rune scimitar. The Makeover Mage needs to discriminate between customers…

The Grand Exchange clerk does something freaky then. After releasing the bun on her head, she pulls the skin of her face off and reveals…Iymnota. "I'm a girl," she states. "Besides, I already claimed killing you this time even though Reaver was quite willing to do all the killings for the price Blade set. Well, I need the money more. Sorry."

I duck and push Dawn out of the gun's range as Iymnota shoots. A trickle of hot liquid pours down the back of my shoulder. The shot just grazed me. Phew. "You can't kill a cutie," I tell Iymnota with what I hope is a pleading look.

"It's a shame," she agrees but prepares the gun for another shot anyway. I glance around and see Runescapians either running for their lives or frozen in shock. Dawn has disappeared. I'm alone…doomed to die. I'm too young to die again!

Iymnota pauses for a moment. "Convince Dawn to stop interfering, Freak, and all this suffering will go away."

"No!" I say. Whatever happens to me doesn't matter in the broader scope of things.

"Each death builds more and more agony. Are you sure you don't want to stop sticking your nose into our business?" Iymnota continues.

"Yes!"

She lifts the gun. I turn away to run, and then I heard a clang. Wait…guns don't go clang. When I look, I see Dawn, who is clutching a frying pan, pull a stunned Iymnota away from the Grand Exchange desk. Then Dawn hoists herself over the desk and comes up with the real Grand Exchange clerk who is trussed up like a turkey. Clutching her head, Iymnota hisses a few words at my darling Dawn and makes her escape through the frozen crowd.

The silence is tangible as Dawn cuts the clerk's bonds with her scimitar and then vaults back over the desk to me. The other clerks, bankers and the Runescapians who hadn't run away stare at us as Dawn, after making sure my wound has stopped bleeding with gentle fingers, nudges me towards the desk.

"We'd like to access the Grand Exchange please," she says pleasantly to the gaping clerk.

As though nothing extraordinary has happened, we do access the Grand Exchange. I give them my money—well, they have to yank it out of my reluctant hands—and the clerk returns with my last three needed items, even an unfired bowl. Wait, it's here already? "THANK YOU!" The clerk flinches away from me as if I have the plague.

The Grand Exchange, I'm pretty sure, violates the laws of physics, but who cares? I place the precious items in my bag and do a little jig before throwing myself at Dawn and squeezing her into my arms.

"Get off me before I hit you with the frying pan," she says into my ear.

I release her. "I'll never have to make anything again! I can buy everything from here! Hand over some money and presto! I have the world at my fingertips!" I finish with a feeling of utter triumph.

Dawn makes a dismissive noise, and I put my items away in the bank and take out my trusty rune scimitar, even while the banker is looking at me like I'm insane. Then I follow dear Dawn, who has shown me Paradise. She gives me a sideways glance. "You realize you have to pay for everything you buy, right? You'll be broke if you just keep buying things."

Oh right… I sigh. "Thanks for bursting my bubble."

"It needed to be done," she replies.

"You handled Iymnota calmly enough," I suddenly remember.

Dawn crosses her arms. "It's becoming a common occurrence now. People are starting to wonder what's going on. If they realize they can kill each other…"

"Jagex…"

"If Jagex could fix this, they would have interfered long ago." Dawn looks so grim that I don't want to ask my next question.

I ask anyway. "What will happen if this isn't stopped?"

We pause at the gap of the Varrock Palace wall, where there's a guy in a chicken suit dancing. Dawn doesn't even crack a smile at the sight. "Likely, all the NPCs will start killing players, and players will start killing each other…"

I remember what Iymnota said about the agony of deaths. "The people who died would be…emo! Who would make such a dastardly plan?"

Dawn rolls her eyes and walks towards the Palace's open doors. What? It IS a dastardly plot. Blade's plot.

As we pause for a moment, a door away from the king's dining hall, I ask Dawn, "Do you remember meeting a guy named Blade?"

"Nope," she replies, her hand on the door, ready to open it.

"Well, according to one of his cronies, I've met him before," I finish. "Still, I don't understand what annihilating the noob population has to do with the changes in Runescape."

"That's why we need backup," Dawn replies. We step into the king's dining hall and find an elegant-looking woman, a red-head with two ponytails and a fringe. Sitting in a chair, poring over a book, she carries out the hairstyle with more dignity and less girly perkiness than Tigerstar does.

The fair-haired man who sweeps into the room confirms the woman's identity. He kisses the top of her head before noticing us and smiling. "Freak?"

"Bluestar," I say, relieved to see the brave warrior.

His blue eyes light up with delight. "How have things been?"

"Pretty bad," I admit. Bluestar steps forward to examine my bloodied tunic. His face creases with anger.

"I'm fine," I say hastily. Bluestar's anger is not pretty.

After acknowledging me with a glance, the woman raises an eyebrow at Dawn. "So how's the investigation going?"

Dawn shrugs. "I have tidbits, but things are getting bad fast, Fire."

Fireheart sighs as I gasp. It truly is Fire, but she looks so different. She had black hair down to her shoulders the last time I saw her. Her eyes are still as fierce as Dawn's though.

"Does this mean I have to help?" Fireheart grumbles, placing her head between her hands. Beside her, Bluestar places a supportive hand on her shoulder.

Not one to waste time, Dawn pokes her sister, and Fireheart flinches. "I know who's responsible for the changes at least."

"So do we, and you won't believe it." Fireheart trains her gaze on me with a grim smile. "You saved Runescape from Luxon once. You can do it again. He has hackers messing with game code this time. He's using a group that calls itself CAN to attack people who get in his way."

Wait…WHAT? I give a feeble "uh?" Not even a "huh?" I'm so shocked I can't form the "h" sound. Blade is Luxon? Fireheart slams her hands down on the table. "Luxon got off his bum and made some hacker friends. He's back for revenge."

"How do you know this?" Dawn demands.

"Redseed," Bluestar answers. "He happened to wandering near Paterdomus, the Temple of Saradomin. There, someone killed him. They placed a piece of parchment on his bones, proclaiming the return of their master." Bluestar crosses his arms, looking troubled. "When we asked Redseed who had done it, he named Luxon. It seems Luxon didn't just settle for killing him quickly though."

No! Poor Redseed! At my agonized look, Bluestar adds, "We've attended to Redseed. He's resting upstairs. You can visit him once…"

Once what? Dawn steps forward. Redseed is my mentor, but he's her cousin. "What's wrong?"

Not meeting my eyes, Bluestar scratches his head. Even Fireheart lowers her gaze before admitting, "His face is scarred, and his emotions are erratic. He's not in his right mind. I won't have you see him like that."

Scarred like Ava thanks to Luxon. So, I have met Blade after all. And I will take him down again! I swear it.


	9. Take the Cake

**Chapter 9 Take the Cake**

Calming my sudden rush of anger at Luxon with a smile, Bluestar nudges us to sit down as Fireheart wanders out of the room, perhaps to fetch some snacks. Dawn sits, but she's fidgeting as if she's considering rushing upstairs to see Redseed. I would gladly do it, but my respect for Bluestar and Fireheart keep me in my seat.

"Uh…" Fireheart appears at the doorway with a wry expression. "Are these guys your friends?" She walks into the room, and Tigerstar, Ava, Enddragon and Armadylspark flood in after her.

Tigerstar sprints over to hug my head. "Hey, don't hug my head off," I laugh. When she lets go, I realize the room has gone awkwardly silent. I read the genuine relief in her eyes and feel a new flood of guilt drown me.

Bluestar, who's sitting beside me, considers Tigerstar with a puzzled look. "Who might you be?"

Plopping into the seat next to her beau, Fireheart almost glares at Bluestar. Their sudden discord strikes me as odd, but I'm no expert on relationships. "It doesn't matter who she is. You guys should start heading to the Temple of Saradomin."

With a grin, Enddragon nods. "Let's go!"

Dawn stands. "Yeah, let's go." An awkward silence ensues as she leaves. Our party floods out again, Ava hiding her face behind her hair. I want to tell her that she's safe here, but she's gone before I can open my mouth.

Now I'm left with a stern Bluestar and an intimidating Fireheart. She crosses her arms. "If you mess with my sister's feelings…"

I'm not messing with her feelings! She's messing with mine! I stand and protest, "I know how I feel. But does she?"

"Just stop ogling other girls." So saying, Fireheart makes a dramatic exit, pausing for a moment to glance back crossly at Bluestar. He gives her a smile and gives her a tiny wave, telling her to go on without him.

Then, Bluestar sits across from me. "Freak, what's going on between you and Dawn?"

"I know I'm annoying—"

"Who told you that?" Bluestar returns.

Well…no one. Speechless, I watch Bluestar nod in satisfaction and stand. "Give her time," he tells me. Time? Is that all I need to do? Love always seemed to me like those things you order from magazines: in order to make it work, you have to take the time to assemble it. And I'm terrible at assembling things, just like I'd probably be terrible at seduction. As if he's reading the perverted musing of my mind, Bluestar adds, "If Fire comes after you for making Dawn feel uncomfortable, well… I can't help you."

Right. Just give Dawn time. "Do you have any idea how much time?" I ask.

"I would be willing to wait a thousand years for the girl I loved," Bluestar replies, his face dripping with mawkishness.

"Wouldn't you both be dead after a thousand years?" I point out.

With a sigh, Bluestar shakes his head, but his eyes are sparkling. "Hyperbole, Freak."

Man, those dang hyperboles just keep on tripping me up. "So what's a thousand years in non-figurative numbers?"

"As long as necessary."

That sounds like a while. I droop in my seat and then look up in alarm as Bluestar starts to walk away. "Wait, you and Fire aren't going to come with us?"

Before he can answer, King Roald sticks his head into the dining hall. I tense, ready for another gun-wielding NPC. Instead, the king walks up to me and holds out a cake.

I jump out of my seat and pull out my rune scimitar. I'm prepared for guns now. King Roald shoots Bluestar an annoyed glance. "Is this the wounded savior of Runescape Fireheart was talking about?"

"Ah, yes. Freak, take the cake from His Majesty and heal that wound of yours," Bluestar urges me.

Reassured, I do take the cake and take an enormous bite out of it. Ah, sugary sweetness. Then, I feel numbness grip my throat. Wait, that's not what cake is supposed to do…

After the cake slides down my esophagus against my will, a hallowing pain rips at my stomach. My limbs lock. As the world spins around me, I crumple into fetal position and futilely try to ignore the chill spreading through my body.

"Sorry, Freak," Bluestar says, looming over me. His handsome face has split into an evil smirk that makes him look exactly like his father, Luxon. Except this is Bluestar! Beside him, King Roald gives Bluestar a pleading, eager look. With a cold, bone-cutting laugh, Bluestar hands him a round, brown and crumbly biscuit. Wait, it's not a biscuit…it's a cookie!

"Good job," I hear Bluestar say to the king of Misthalin like he's a dog! What is going on? The floor shakes like an earthquake under my head as someone enters.

"Ugh, the slow poison. Really?" It's Fireheart's voice, but I can't admit to myself that it is her. It can't be…

"It was cheaper! I don't want to waste any money on him." Bluestar nudges me with a toe. "Pathetic, isn't he?"

Fate hates me, is my last thought before the world goes black.

…

With my body full of pins and needles, I wake with my head in someone's lap. Dawn's face, dark with concern, hovers a foot above mine. The anguish in my muscles makes tears come to my eyes and blurs her lovely face. When I blink the tears away and lift my head a bit to look around, I see I'm in Lumbridge again. Good ole Freak's Bane, the fountain, is still merrily spouting water. The usual number of low levels and weirdos are mingling around us.

I shriek as more faces appear above me. I hear Dawn scold them for scaring me, "them" being Ava, Tigerstar, Enddragon and Armadylspark. "What happened?" Dawn asks, moving away and placing my head gently on the grass of the Lumbridge Castle lawn. With a sigh, I turn my heavy eyes to the cloud-filled sky.

"Bluestar…poisoned me. Fireheart…knew about it…" I force the words out of my mouth with my insides wriggling in agony, as if I were being poisoned again. My head hurts. My heart hurts. And my spleen does too…

Armadylspark crosses his arms. "When we went back to find you, Bluestar and Fireheart were gone. So were you."

"We tried to find them in Varrock," Tigerstar adds, "but we couldn't." She's standing at distance from me, her eyes full of hurt.

"We figured you would be in Lumbridge." Dawn doesn't look even skeptical as she asks, "You're saying Bluestar and Fireheart conspired to kill you?"

"They're imposters," Ava interrupts in a tone that tells me they've discussed this before. I've never seen her look so certain before. "When we looked for that guy Redseed that you said was tortured by CAN, he wasn't upstairs, recuperating in bed."

"They must be. I thought something was off. Why would Fire have so much information after weeks of nothing? And Bluestar didn't seem as mad as he should be if his father is leading CAN." Dawn agrees.

At their words, I feel the ache in my chest ease a little. If the Fireheart and Bluestar I saw today were imposters, I can deal with my death…even while I feel like every piece of me is about to crumble into trillions of tiny, Freak dust motes.

I'm trembling even as Enddragon and Armadylspark haul me onto my feet. "Hey, to cheer you up a bit, we can tell you the story of what happened to us after you died the first time. It's a funny story," Enddragon offers.

I take a wobbly step forward as they release me. "Sure," I quaver, like an old man.

"Yes, tell him how I kicked that mercenary's butt." Armadylspark frowns. "What was his name again?"

"You mean Reaver Coyot and the way you made him into an ice sculpture?" Enddragon laughs.

As our dragon-masked companion explains, Enddragon goes through the motions. "You came stumbling back to us, bleeding like crazy! Then you died and disappeared."

My eyes are treated to the pleasant vision of Enddragon running in slow motion, flailing his arms and then falling over rigidly, as if he's quite dead. Did I really look like that?

"We set off to Lumbridge to find you," Armadylspark continues, and Enddragon hops to his feet, looking determined. "Turns out after finishing you, someone had begun to stalk us, hoping to pick us off by surprise."

Enddragon, with a menacing look on his face, starts sketching towards Dawn, Ava and Tigerstar from behind. He stops when Dawn turns around and lifts her poking finger. "Eh…sorry," he says to them before glancing in Armadylspark's direction.

"Anyway," Armadylspark takes up the tale again with zeal, "I was the first one to sense him. So, since I didn't feel like wasting time to engage him in the time-consuming thrust-parry duel-type battle (after all, we had to find you, Freak), I chose to cast water wave, drenching our unsuspecting stalker with a flood of water.

"After asking our stalker's name for future reference, I then cast a nice ice blitz to stop Reaver in his tracks. He was such an angry looking ice sculpture. So I gave him a tap with my sword pommel, and he shattered into thousands of millions of pieces." Armadylspark unsheathes his rune longsword from his belt and shows us the uniquely silver pommel.

"Wait…all of that is hard to re-enact," Enddragon complains with a frown. "I don't have enough props."

With an indulgent smile, Dawn admits, "That was epic, yes, but we have to get to the Temple of Saradomin fast. If Luxon is behind all of this, it might explain how 'Blade' knows so much about us."

As we start off towards Varrock, I sink into the murky tub of my thoughts. For a funny story, it doesn't seem very funny to me. It makes my gut clench to think of Reaver coming back, a Reaver who's a thousand times angrier than before. Before, he seemed ready to kill me for the money, but now, he'll want compensation for his death.

Oh, and if Bluestar and Fireheart were imposters, then what's happened to the real Bluestar and Fireheart? Has Blade already captured them? Is their capture my fault? No, it's Luxon's…but if he wants revenge on me, even indirectly, this is all my fault!

Maybe I just need to go die in a hole. As I look around for a hole to die in, a warm hand grasps my wrist. Despite the scars on her face, Ava can still pull off a concerned look. "You're lagging behind, Freak. Maybe Armadylspark or Enddragon will carry you."

I'm such a disgrace that I can't even walk on my own? I shake my head, feeling dizzy. Dying is definitely not good for one's health. When Ava takes my hands, hers burn on mine. Is she feverish? No, it's just that I'm so cold… "Maybe you guys should complete this mission without me. Let Luxon's minions finish me off. Then maybe he'll be happy and restore Runescape to what it was."

"Dawn told me about Luxon. By the sound of him, he won't settle for just your death," Ava murmurs, helping me sit on the grass. The others, oblivious to our stopping, keep on walking. "He wants to control all of Runescape, and you can't let him win. You're the only one who can stop him."

"Why me? Why can't you save your damn selves?" I snap, springing back to my feet and sprinting to the bank of the River Lum. I'm standing in the gloomy woods beside the broken stone house that goblins have invaded: the perfect, depressing place to wait for a final and permanent death.

"Remember, you still have to slay Elvarg," Ava, having followed me, points out. "You have another mission. Are you willing to give that up? To give up your dreams?"

"I never wanted to slay that dragon anyway," I reply and curl up for a long, peaceful nap on the river bank.

"No!" Ava shrieks. "Don't go to sleep! You might not come back."

"Yes, I will. It's called a nap," I lie and close my eyes. I wouldn't mind a permanent nap. The sloshing of the river soothes my ears. A mother duck quacks and her ducklings cheep in distress as someone shoots their mother. The violence and death here tortures my pacifist soul. What if I don't want to slay Elvarg? Why can't she live? Because if she's not stopped, innocent people will die, my practical voice whispers back. The same goes for Luxon.

This is not the time to dwell on how awful I feel! It doesn't matter! What's wrong with me? I sit up so fast that my ear fluids protest that they're dizzy. Ava is sitting not too far from me, crying. I crawl over to her. She gives a squeak of surprise and then slaps me. Ow. "You startled me," she says.

"I figured," I mutter, rubbing my cheek. I meet her earnest gaze for a moment and ask the dreaded question. "Do you have any…romantic feelings for me?"

Still as a girl made of stone, Ava gapes at me. Finally, she keels over and her shoulders begin to shake. Is she having a seizure or something? I stand and futilely look for help. I shouldn't shock people with questions like that! Why am I such a dunce?

Then a burst of musical laughter surprises me. Ava covers her mouth and stifles her giggles as I stare down at her. "Freak!" She squints at me. "You really are a pervert. Do you think that every girl traveling with you is in love with you?"

"No!" I protest indignantly.

Ava bounces to her feet and tilts her head, considering me. "I guess I do love you like a brother. You're the nicest person I've ever met…even though you're not the brightest…"

Like a brother. I like that. Wait…not the brightest? Perhaps reading the dismay on my face, Ava says hastily, "Let's go before we lose sight of the others!" She starts to walk away as I contemplate the dead tree in front of me.

Not the brightest…? I think I've come pretty far since my noob days. Really!? Hauling myself to my feet, I hobble after Ava, trying to look stern. Then I hear Ava scream somewhere near the chicken pen on the way to Varrock. I half-sprint, half-limp there, with my scimitar in hand. When I see Kenshin, his chef hat lopsided on his head and his face covered in frosting, apologizing profusely to a bright red Ava, I lower the weapon. My hand's shaking like crazy anyway. I would have been useless in a real battle.

Kenshin notices me. "Want cake?" He offers the smushed cake to me as he tries his best to lick at the frosting on his cheek. Nauseated, I step away. Stupid classical conditioning.

Ava, still blushing, hides behind me. "I didn't mean to push the cake into his face, but he came out of nowhere," she mutters.

"Very true," Kenshin says forgivingly, giving me an uncertain look as I shake my head. "I already gave some to Hamlet as comfort food. Monty's making more cake in the Cooking Guild as we speak."

"You mean Helen?" I correct. Ava holds out her hands for the cake and Kenshin graciously hands her the skewed cake.

"Thank you," Ava says as she takes a bite. "It's really good." Her face lights up with delight. After all she's been through, I'm glad she's able to enjoy cake. I certainly won't be able to…

When Kenshin has managed to get most of the cake off his face, he explains, "Hamlet's in his normal body again. He's not in the best mood since he spent 3k turning back…but you can find him in the Blue Moon Inn."

Oh no. "Drinking again?" Then I have to go stop Hamlet.

With a mournful look, Kenshin shakes his head. "Plotting revenge against Cheesecracker. The guy dumped him after a few hours of…uh…fun. When did Cheesy get so sleazy?" He giggles. "I rhymed."

"Congratulations," I reply.

Giving me a sad puppy face, Kenshin says, "You're as mean as Monty."

"See you later!" I call and drag away Ava, who has thankfully polished off the last of the cake. Near the sheep pen, we catch up with Dawn, Enddragon, Armadylspark and Tigerstar, who refuses to look at me. How strange…

"We have to talk to Hamlet first," I tell Dawn, and much to my surprise, she nods and searches my face. Enddragon and Armadylspark are watching me too. What? Do I have cake on my face? I wipe at my cheek, and Dawn loops her arm with mine.

"I'm okay now," I say even though I rather like the attention.

"I'm sorry," Dawn says, her gaze on the path ahead of us. She gives Enddragon, Armadylspark and Ava a brief glare for their eavesdropping, and the three of them drop back to walking at Tigerstar's reluctant pace.

"For what?"

"I should have stayed with you even in the company of the two people I trust most."

"Yes, I am helpless after all."

"A little less helpless than before," Dawn amends. "But not much less."

"Then I'll stick close by you," I decide.

Dawn gives me a side-glower. "Not too close."

We hear giggles behind us, but when we look, the lot of them are straight-faced. To spite them a little, I give Dawn's cheek a quick peck. I rush ahead, trying my best to avoid a possible death-by-poking.

Out of breath, I reach the gray walls of Varrock. My party walks past me, not acknowledging my existence. Still, even from here, I can see the faint blush on Dawn's cheeks as she steps into Varrock. After stretching my arms, I bound after them with a grin on my face.


	10. All's Not Fair in Love and War

**Chapter 10 All's Not Fair in Love and War**

As I enter Blue Moon Inn, my insides quiver with fear. As expected, Hamlet turns THE look on me. "Love sucks," he proclaims before turning his hard, emerald eyes away. His face is contorted with bitterness. No, love doesn't suck! Well, sometimes, it does. I squawk as Enddragon bounds into the doorway and crashes into me.

"Can we come in too?" he asks. Then his dark eyes dart between me and Hamlet. "Or do you two want to talk alone?" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. Hamlet glowers at him, and Enddragon retreats.

"Armadylspark just dozed off," I hear Dawn say behind me. "We should probably bring him in and get him settled."

"He must be tired," Ava remarks. "So am I." She's the first to push past me and take a seat at the bar. Enddragon and Dawn, supporting Armadylspark between them, scurry in after her. They place him on a bar stool, and I see that Armadylspark is drooping, his eyes no doubt closed under that dragon mask of his. Tigerstar comes in last, darting past me quickly.

Hamlet stands, bristling with anger. "Get your posse away from me!"

"Hamlet," Dawn begins.

"Don't lecture me!" my buddy snaps. "I feel so dirty…" Hunched over in agony, Hamlet stares unseeingly at the floor. "I shouldn't have become a girl."

"If you feel dirty, then take a shower," Dawn replies without any pity. "We have bigger problems than your personal drama."

Aghast, I give Dawn a shocked glance, but Hamlet hangs his head in shame. "I know. I just don't get it."

"From what I understand, you became a girl to attract a certain guy, correct?" Armadylspark says, making me jump. Wait, I thought he was sleeping? When Hamlet glares at him, he continues with aplomb, "Maybe you need to try being yourself."

Hamlet blinks. "How can I not be myself?"

"Freak, time for your monologue on appearance versus reality," Dawn says with a smile.

Am I the only one forced to listen to such a lecture during a mind-bending English class? "Hamlet, I think, when you disguise yourself as a girl, you're hiding the most important parts of you," I finally say.

Hamlet's eyes move down his body, stopping at his stomach, before he gives me a bemused look. Wait. Not like actual body parts!

"No!" And I'm usually the one who takes things too literally. "Maybe 'parts' was a bad word to use." The other occupants of the room nod in agreement.

"What I'm saying is…you don't have to be ashamed that you're…"

"I dare you to say it," Hamlet growls.

"That you're in love with another guy," I finish. "You're Hamlet. Not Helen. And if Cheesecracker doesn't accept you as you are, then it's a shame for him."

Hamlet examines his palm. "Money is so much simpler. I think I'm going to go woodcutting." He stands and stretches while I face-palm.

"Have you listened to anything I've just said?"

Hamlet cranes his head towards me. "Yes, but spewing idealism doesn't make reality any more bearable, Freak."

"You haven't even tried to tell him!" I shout. "How can you judge the one you love like that?"

"Man, this is drama at its finest. I wish I had some popcorn," Enddragon whispers. Ava flicks his arm, but he only grins and obligingly shuts up. Yes. Drama. I'm sick of it!

Tigerstar suddenly steps forward and takes Hamlet's chin. Then I see the lusterless glow in his eyes. He looks defeated, like an old man. "You're not telling us something," she murmurs. "I've seen that look before."

Hamlet pries her fingers away gently. "I already told Cheesecracker I loved him. Right after I turned back into a guy. He just…laughed at me. Said that was the weirdest joke I'd ever come up with."

Joke? I feel a surge of anger at Cheesecracker. How oblivious can a guy be? Dawn grabs my arm before I can march off to show Cheesecracker just what I think of him! He is a worm! The lowest kind of annelid! I would gladly squish him!

Hamlet's soft voice jolts me to tears. "Again, Freak, you have your own mission. Don't waste your time." Dang it. I've been so emotional since those deaths. I quickly wipe them away.

"I'm sorry, Hamlet," Dawn murmurs. "I could poke Cheesecracker to his senses if you want."

Hamlet chuckles. "While I do appreciate your intentions, I'd rather not see him go insane."

Dawn crosses her arms. "My pokes aren't that bad. Look at Freak. He's fine."

I give Hamlet a reassuring grin, but he doesn't look so reassured. "Just go," he tells us and places his head on the bar table. "I can figure out how to punish him myself."

Revenge is bad for the soul! I open my mouth to lecture him, but Dawn shakes her head. Taking the hint, Armadylspark, Enddragon, Ava and Tigerstar amble out of the inn. Then Dawn, when I don't move, leaves me to confront Hamlet. I want to say that he should just try and speak to Cheesecracker again…but then, where has idealism gotten me? Nowhere. There's no room for idealism in reality.

The pacifist in me suddenly aches. Sure, conflict is a normal part of life here on Runescape; it's a part of any world. So is pain. But I can't abide seeing a friend of mine in misery. I can't abide the violence done to Ava. The worst part of all: I can't do anything to change any of it. You can't force someone to love you. You can't take back torture. I want to reassure Hamlet that things will be better, but what if the days to come only grow worse for all of us? So, since I can't come up with any truly comforting words, I leave him be.

Our party is rather quiet as we head towards Varrock's East Bank. We stop at the bank to suit up all official-like for our mission. Outside the bank, Enddragon clears his throat, giving us all a weak smile. "Onward to the Temple of Saradomin?"

"The fake Bluestar and Fireheart know where we're going," Armadylspark points out. "Wouldn't CAN have withdrawn?" Oo, good point.

"Or maybe they're waiting for us," Enddragon returns.

"Can we really access the Temple now?" Ava wonders.

I shrug at her. "There's only one way to find out…" Who knows what would be waiting for us? Maybe Luxon. Maybe an army. Wait, we should think this through….

Before I can object, Dawn agrees, "Let's start by going to the Temple." She steps back and nods at Enddragon and Armadylspark. "You two can show us the way."

"Gladly," Enddragon returns, frowning at Armadylspark, who's suddenly dozing against the outside of the bank wall. The sweeper near the bank, who never speaks but always sweeps, carefully clears the area around our sleeping compadre with his broom. "Don't you ever get tired?" I want to ask the sweeper. "Is that all your life is worth?" I half-wish he would pull a gun out on me.

"Narcoleptic?" Ava wonders, breaking me out of my reverie. Dawn shrugs.

"Let's take off his mask!" Enddragon reaches out to do it, and I feel my stomach roil with unease. What's under that mask anyway? Is his face scarred like Ava's?

Armadylspark doesn't even stir as the mask slips from his face. He looks like a perfectly ordinary guy, but Tigerstar draws a breath in wonder. "He looks like Mordred except with a scar and lighter hair."

The scar is a fine pink line that runs diagonally across Armadylspark's face. Locks of walnut-brown hair brush his forehead. Perhaps sensing our inquisitive gazes, his bright blue eyes snap open, and he snatches the mask from Enddragon, flustered. "Hey!"

"You were asleep," points out Enddragon.

"Why do you look like Mordred?" Tigerstar cries.

After a moment of hesitation, Armadylspark places the mask into his leather pack. "Let's just call that an unfortunate coincidence," he says darkly before walking off. "Let's stop delaying!"

With more questions than ever, I follow him. Maybe at the Temple of Saradomin, we'll get more answers. We follow the road out of Varrock and to an iron gate I've never been able to pass before. This time, it's wide open.

"That shouldn't be unlocked," Dawn mutters.

Ava glances at me uneasily, but I step through the gate, feeling the chill of a faint breeze on my skin. "We have to find Blade." And then what? Killing him won't fix Runescape…He'd only come back angrier. We'd have to offer him something in return for restoring the world to what it was. What did we have that he wanted? I don't even want to think about what he might demand from us if he really is Luxon…

The trail we're following doesn't help my fears. It leads through a dark, rocky area where several giant bats are flapping around. When have bats ever been so big? Ava clings to me while Tigerstar clings to Armadylspark, who's trying his best to nudge her away politely. Enddragon has his scimitar out, and his eyes are roving for danger. I reach out to take Dawn's hand, and she doesn't object.

At the end of a set of wide stairs, we come across a three-story church, which is colored moldy-brown with age. The windows are multicolored mosaics, each with a shining holy symbol painted at the center. Yet for some reason, I can't feel Saradomin's presence here. I feel abandoned. The hackers are the gods now, and they certainly aren't on our side.

"The ones you're looking for are not here," a low voice tells us. "Oh, it's you…traitor."

Tense, Armadylspark whips out his weapon. It's not until the stranger is out of the shadow of the Temple that I can make out the sliver of red in his black hair. His eyes are a brilliant navy blue like Armadylspark's. He resembles our buddy, but his features are sharper and colder and ironically, handsomer. Attired in an elegant mixture of black and silver clothes, he strides closer to greet us with an arrogant smile.

"You and CAN are going to pay," Armadylspark vows, his eyes blazing. The threat doesn't move the man…or should I say, Mordred.

"No!" Tigerstar shrieks, taking Armadylspark's arm. Mordred's eyes drift to her, but I don't see a single spark of love in them. His facial expression is too guarded for me to even guess his reaction to her presence.

Mordred shrugs, and his gaze coolly brushes over Dawn, Enddragon, Ava and me as if we aren't worth the trouble of his attention. He points to the Temple of Saradomin. "There are only Zamorakian monks in there. CAN has relocated. And I'm afraid that your intention to punish me will end very badly, Sparky. So don't even try." His voice is husky and non-threatening, but it still sends shivers up my spine.

Tigerstar gives me a pleading look as Armadylspark lunges for her lover. Well, what am I supposed to do? Throw myself into the middle of two dangerous, battling high levels? Besides, Mordred has already drawn his own longsword and stepped forward to clash with Armadylspark. Their rune blades meet again and again, emitting sparks and speaking volumes about the ferocity of the attacks.

"You can't win," Mordred whispers, shoving his blade so hard that the two crossed swords are against Armadylspark's neck. "This is pointless."

Without responding, Armadylspark retreats and frees his blade before bringing it down in a sudden, vicious cut towards Mordred's vulnerable head. The crazy guy doesn't even try to defend himself this time, and I turn away, reluctant to witness the gore of someone's head being cut clean in two.

When Tigerstar doesn't start crying in anguish, I dare to look back. Armadylspark's blade is quivering an inch away from Mordred's fancy hair.

"I thought so," Mordred says. "You're too nice to avenge your friend like this. You'll just have to settle for realizing how pathetic you are."

Armadylspark grits his teeth. "Coward. Fight me."

"You had the chance to kill me."

"I won't kill anyone in cold blood. Not even you."

Ah, such a sporting fellow! I feel pride that I know such decent people until Mordred puts a damper on the feeling with a derisive laugh. "Trying to be noble won't get you anywhere."

"That's not true," I put in.

With a scowl, Mordred glides towards me, and I parry his longsword with my scimitar before it can poke a hole in my chest. He tests me again by moving away and bringing the sword towards my head. I parry again, but even I know that he's messing with me.

Done for the moment, Mordred sheathes his sword. "A nice person asks for someone to take advantage of them."

"Hey, just because we're nice doesn't mean we always are," Enddragon warns him, drawing his own scimitar with a distasteful look for Mordred. "If it weren't for Tigerstar here, you would be dead."

"Mordred," Tigerstar whispers, her lovely gray eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, you can cut the act now, love," Mordred says casually. What? I hear Dawn's breath catch behind me.

"You've been on their side all along!" Dawn says to Tigerstar. No! Maybe this is some sort of misunderstanding!

Tigerstar bows her head for a moment. "Sorry, you guys." She lops over to plant a kiss on my cheek. "Thank you for being so kind, but you should to learn to be a little more tough." I make a feeble grab for her arm. I want to shake her and ask her: WHY?

She scurries off to her lover, who has obviously NOT gone missing. She's known where he was all along. She's been manipulating me!

An unexpected feeling stabs into my heart. I HATE her. I freeze, forbidding myself to even think of hurting her. Crap, I just did. But, I can never act on hatred. My conscience would kill me for it.

"You little…" Ava finally speaks. She stomps her foot. "Female dog!"

Mordred laughs softly and welcomes Tigerstar into his embrace. Laying her head against his broad chest, she gives me an apologetic look: probably an expression as staged as the rest of her distress. They are a handsome couple, but they look ugly to me. "Listen to them! They won't even swear thanks to their so-called nobleness. This is the real world! Chivalry is dead! Goodness is dead! Have you seen the world around you? The violence, the death, the suffering? That is the real world!"

Mordred looks almost anguished when he continues, "We try so hard to 'live by our morals,' but we always seek to circumvent them. And do you know why?"

I shake my head. All I know is that this guy needs to let go of his angst.

"Because we are human."

No! "That means we can't behave decently?" My voice comes out hoarse.

With a laugh, Mordred kisses Tigerstar, possessive and harsh. Anger explodes in my chest, and my inner pacifist frantically tries to put out the resulting fires.

"As humans, we do what we must to survive," Mordred tells me when I say nothing. He's stroking Tigerstar's hair like you would stroke a cat. The sight almost makes me physically sick. I feel Dawn's reassuring touch on my shoulder, and the sickness passes. "Even being kind is just a guise for survival. Being wicked is just an alternative path, I like to think. A simpler, less false path than pretending you care for every damn person you come across…"

Cutting Mordred's monologue short, Enddragon charges at them. Before he reaches them, Mordred and Tigerstar are enveloped in a long tube of purple and blue lights. They teleport the heck out of there before Enddragon can tear them to shreds.

"Curse them!" he mutters, dropping his scimitar in frustration and sitting cross-legged on the ground. He gives me a bleak smile. "What now?"

Not trusting myself to speak, I turn to Dawn. She sighs and pats my shoulder comfortingly. "Let's go back to Varrock and rest a bit. Then we'll have to split up to search for any clues about CAN's new location."

We don't move until Armadylspark chuckles. "You are very composed, Dawn." He has replaced his dragon mask and hood.

Dawn gives him a wry smile. "I won't miss her." She considers Armadylspark more seriously. "I'm sorry about your friend." Armadylspark shrugs, his expression inscrutable. Well, he is wearing a mask…

"Yeah, Dawn, I think your dislike was pretty clear when you gave her the lecture of the century," Enddragon says with a laugh, hopping to his feet.

Lecture? I give Dawn a questioning glance, but she only frowns, unwilling to explain. Enddragon fills me in. "She just told Tigerstar to leave you alone, that flirting with you while looking for her love was just plain disgraceful."

Ah, so that would explain why Tigerstar had been acting so skittish around me. Ugh, why do I even care anymore? Why do I care about anything? Ava prods me, and I remember why I care. Because if we don't care, who else will?


	11. Ambush

**Chapter 11 Ambush**

We're ambling along the path that leads back to Varrock, and all is quiet and peaceful. Yet the thoughts bouncing around my head refuse to stay quiet and peaceful.

"Stop looking emo!" Dawn suddenly half-snaps, half-pleads. I give her a zombie look. I can't help it. I just can't believe that Tigerstar would be with CAN, considering that Ava—Ava! I whip around, and Ava's big brown eyes widen as I stare at her.

She tilts her head questioningly. "Yes?"

"Tigerstar said that you were assigned to kill her," I say hurriedly, trying to unravel the illogic-ness of the situation. "Are you sure you remember that?"

"That's what Tigerstar said," Ava says. "I don't remember it myself since…" She trails off with a sad smile and touches her head.

But if Tigerstar has been working with CAN all along, why couldn't she take advantage of Ava's lost memory? "She said you were the one trying to kill her, but you don't remember it," I recap. "What if you never had anything to do with her? What if she recognized you as a victim of CAN and came up with that story on the spot? What if you accepted it without question because you couldn't remember what you were tortured for?"

"Huh?" Enddragon knocks on my head. Hey! That hurts! It rattles my brain too… "What are you talking about, Freak?"

"Does CAN actually take players out to the Wilderness to kill them?" I ask him.

Armadylspark shakes his head slowly. "Not as far as I've seen. Other than Mordred and the preacher, most of the people at the meetings just hung around, and talked among themselves. My friend, Samocopter, and I stood around and chatted too. Sometimes, Enddragon would join us. None of us was let in on any cult secrets or sent on missions to kill lower levels."

Dawn frowns. "What happened? Why did Mordred call you a traitor?"

"Sam and I exposed the cult's existence to a Mod. We figured it was a matter of time before someone truly got hurt." Uncharacteristically agitated, Armadylspark clenches his fists. "Somehow, they talked their way out of trouble. Then CAN members started to come after Sam and me. They caught Sam, but I escaped with just a scratch. I haven't seen Sam since.

"Whenever they caught up with me, I got away by pretending I was Mordred. It worked pretty well until Mordred found out," Armadylspark finishes with a sigh.

"I left the cult soon after to watch Armadylspark's back," Enddragon adds to lighten the mood a little. "They were all creeps anyway."

"You mean, you left because you were too socially inept to persuade them to give up their secrets," Armadylspark remarks with amusement.

Dramatically, Enddragon places a hand to his chest. "Ouch, that hurts." But he's grinning even so.

I walk away from their banter and towards Ava and Dawn, who both have their eyes trained on me. It seems like CAN is after players who get in Blade's way, no matter their level. I turn back to Ava, who still looks puzzled. "We met you randomly on the way back to Varrock. What are the chances that if you were in CAN and you had tried to kill Tigerstar that you would ever meet up with her again?"

"One in however many players there are in Runescape," Ava answers. A tiny fraction. A tiny possibility.

"You never tried to kill her," I conclude. "She was lying. She accused an innocent stranger."

"You don't know that for sure," Ava says stubbornly.

Dawn nudges her. "From what I know about you, I doubt you would ever join CAN in the first place. In fact, you must have been fighting them. Your scars attest to that."

"Maybe her scars don't even have to do with CAN!" I say fervently, but Dawn prods me. Ow. "Okay, they probably do."

"Don't get carried away," she tells me. Who's getting carried away? I wish I could have someone carry me. My feet hurt. I glance back at Enddragon, who's engaged in conversation with Armadylspark.

At last, we make it past the iron gate: back into the regular limits of my world. I glare at the gate. "Why hasn't it ever opened for me before this?"

"It leads to a members' area," Enddragon tells me. "It's where all the rich live."

"That's not true," Armadylspark adds before placing a hand under his chin contemplatively. "Well, I suppose it is when you consider the vast supply of resources members have compared to free players…"

"Freak, don't you remember?" Dawn looks concerned. Ah, she looks so maternal. Well, now she just looks ticked off. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Sorry." I jab my finger at the gate. "So, basically, we shouldn't be able to access that area?"

"Not without payment in the outside world," Armadylspark says. "Reaver's been able to use member weapons in the free world. Member spells can be used here too. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"

"No."

Armadylspark face-palms. What? I know nothing of this fancy member-ness-osity.

"Are you lot gossiping about me?" Slinking out from the trees around us, the mercenary I fear to see, Reaver Coyot, nocks his dark bow and aims the rune arrow head at me. Crumb-buckets. But gossiping? How uncouth. We would never…

Then, soft footsteps, coming from the trees behind Reaver, distract me from my indignation. Appearing beside the mercenary, Iymnota is wielding a dark-hilted rune sword in one hand and a bloodied scimitar in the other. Dual-wielding. How epic. But very dangerous. I step in front of Ava.

Enddragon and Armadylspark step forward to flank me. They've already drawn their weapons, so I pluck my scimitar from my leather bag. How I can fit such a huge weapon in my rather small leather pack is a concept of physics that no mere mortal can ever understand. Either way, I'm armed and in no mood for games.

Pushing past me, Dawn surprises us all with two weapons, a rune scimitar in her right hand and a frying pan in her left. She can dual-wield too. Cool. I grin at her, and she gives me a wicked smile. Stepping forward to stand beside Enddragon, Ava, too, has armed herself with a large stick plucked off the ground. I consider arming myself with the rock beside my foot as well before deciding that dual-wielding with a rock is not nearly as cool as having two real weapons.

In any case, I'd hate to be Reaver and Iymnota right now. Perhaps sensing their disadvantage, Iymnota murmurs, "Just hand Freak over to us, and we'll allow the rest of you to live."

I hesitate. Maybe this doesn't have to end in violence. If I hand myself over, maybe they'll leave the others alone. I lift my chin, prepared to make a noble sacrifice when Dawn places a hand on my arm. She shakes her head slightly, so that only I can see.

"Why not?" I whisper.

"Once you're dead, they'll kill the rest of us," Enddragon realizes, and Dawn gives a brief nod. Right. I have to remember Mordred's disparagement of honor and goodness; these guys probably wouldn't even feel a twinge of regret for going back on their promises.

Even as I shake my head fervently (they won't take me alive!), two more of the people I love to see appear. Emerging from the trees, Suspi makes a quiet, dignified entrance. Behind him tromps the not-so-intelligent, green-haired Dave.

"Didn't I tell you to stop interfering?" Suspi raises his air staff and a handful of runes. The air ripples, and a ball of fire burgeons over Suspi's palm.

"Can't we talk like civil people?" Frustrated, I take a step towards them. If they really wanted me dead, I would already be dead. "What is it that you guys want?" I don't expect them to answer, but each of them does.

"Money," Reaver says simply.

"A purpose," Iymnota replies, lowering her weapons.

"The destruction of Runescape as we know it," Suspi says with an evil glint in his eyes. At least, he allows the flame in his hand to falter. Still, he's one messed-up guy. Rather, Blade, who's giving out the orders, is one messed up guy.

"Your death!" Dave roars, plowing towards me like a circus bear, except a circus bear would be more coordinated. As he comes closer, I see that his face has become malformed, not quite as badly as Ava's though.

I dodge the attack with a casual side-step, and Dave stumbles past, wheeling around with a furious expression. "What happened to your face?" I inquire.

"Nothing!" Then big, bad Dave breaks down, with water-works and nose-dripping. It's not pretty to see a big, muscular guy blubbering at your feet.

"We killed him a few too many times," Iymnota mutters.

How can she say that so callously? Whatever sympathy I had felt for her moments ago is gone. "What do you mean?"

Swelling in anger at my question, Suspi lifts a hand swathed in magical flames again, but Iymnota places a hand on his arm. With a roll of his eyes, Suspi allows her to explain, "The more you die, the more broken you become. Your face reflects the internal trauma. The more gruesome the death, the more gruesome the face. It's very interesting, isn't it? Even you, Freak, are showing your deaths."

Automatically, I touch my face. Eh? Where? My buddies all tense as Iymnota slinks closer and places a cold finger on my temple. She bounds away like a graceful assassin as Dawn makes a swipe at her with the frying pan. Iymnota's already had a taste of the frying pan, and she doesn't look too eager to be whacked with it again.

Yes, right along my hairline is a thin, rough patch of skin: a scar. I've only died twice, so how…I turn horrified eyes to Ava, who has turned away, so no one can see her face.

"You're wondering what terrible things happened to her," Iymnota states with a smile. "You can ask Tigerstar exactly what happened."

That weird feeling twists my heart again. "What you mean?" I bellow. Tigerstar! How could she travel with us, knowing what she did to Ava? How can she even look another Runescapian in the face? No, the better question is: how could I have been that deceived by her pretty face? How could I have missed that evil?

"Stop it," Dawn says, gripping my shoulder. "Stop baiting him."

Too late. I can't hold back anymore, so I lunge for Suspi, the oh-so-dangerous-mage. I hear the others behind me spring into action too. Suspi sends a fire blast my way, which I dodge. Then dropping my scimitar, I snatch the folds of Suspi's robes and shake him. I'm too much of a pacifist to cut him down, but I'd make him drop every last rune! But before I'm done, Suspi backhands me viciously across the jaw. I stumble back, and that's all the opportunity he needs to freeze me with his unnatural powers.

It's the strongest Bind spell I've ever come across. Ten seconds pass before Suspi finishes collecting his runes from the grass. Even then, I'm still frozen, and every one of my buddies is engaged in battle. Dawn and Iymnota. Enddragon and Ava versus Dave. Armadylspark has his hands full taking on Reaver, who keeps darting out of reach. I'm on my own.

"You are the most irritating being in Runescape," Suspi huffs.

"Thanks," I say. There must be some way out of this bind. No pun intended. Fine, pun intended. "Why do you want the destruction of Runescape?"

Suspi's air staff comes dangerously close to my nose as he shakes it in my face. "You have to stop asking questions. It makes you sound even more idiotic than you look."

Ouch. Totally uncalled for. "Why is everyone so mean to me?" I lament. Fate hates me, but still…

Suspi cracks me one on the head with his staff. "I was planning to kill you slowly, but I think I'd lose my temper first and kill you outright."

"Then do it," I dare him. I have to free myself before the mad mage actually kills me…I struggle, imagining me duct-taped to the air around me. If I could just break those bonds! Maybe it's a mental thing? I know I can do it! I exert myself until I sound like I've just run a marathon. Meanwhile, Suspi is watching me with disgust. Oh, what is he waiting for?

"Kill me," I dare him again. I've got a reverse psychology thing going here. The more I taunt him to kill me, the less he wants to. Is it pity? He's watching me like I'm some sort of experiment. It's eerie. And it's a waste of time.

"Hey, Suspi, need some help?" The familiar voice comes from behind me, but I can't look. Oh, how frustrating. The person spares me the trouble by ambling over to stand beside Suspi. Fireheart! Wait…

She looks like Fireheart. She sure crosses her arms like Fireheart. But she's not Fireheart. To me, she is Fireheart-wannabe: an imposter. There's no reason to get upset because Fireheart has definitely not betrayed us.

"What are we waiting for?" says a voice that sounds like Bluestar's. Ah, so he's here too. Two fakes come to laugh at my plight.

Suspi holds a finger to his lips and gives Bluestar an irritated glance. "I'm waiting to see if he'll break the bonds." Oh, so this is a test, is it? Well, so far, I'm failing miserably…

"Boring," Bluestar drawls, whipping out a red dagger. "Let's put an end to him." His sadistic expression cuts me to the core. Still, I have to remember: it isn't Bluestar. Feeling a tad braver, I stick my tongue out at Bluestar-wannabe, and he nearly plunges the dagger into my chest. It's only Fireheart-wannabe's quick snatching of his wrist that saves me.

She shakes her head. "Leave him. I think Dave needs a little help."

Taking advantage of my peripheral vision, I see the vague outline of a stocky body on the ground. Dave has been KO'd. Ha! Enddragon and Ava, now freed from battle, finally seem to notice me.

"Freak!" Ava says my name in a horrified whisper. Aw, I'm fine. Well, so far…

Enddragon sprints towards us, the cry of "iustitia et libertas!" on his lips. Without even looking in the charging warrior's direction, Suspi sends a green bolt in my comrade's way, sending him flying out of my range of vision.

No! He better not be hurt because of me! I feel myself lurch forward as I break the force holding me back. Bluestar-wannabe and Fireheart-wannabe both screech in alarm, and I can't help grinning at the sound. Suspi doesn't make a move as I sprint over to Enddragon, who's on his hands and knees.

"Enddragon…"

"I'm fine. It takes more than a magical blast to take me down," he assures me with a grin and slowly stands, pointing at the two that look like Fireheart and Bluestar. "Aren't those two the imposters?"

Fireheart-wannabe glowers. "I am not an imposter," she says haughtily (and rather unconvincingly). "I've come to realize which side won't waste my time. I'm done trying to save noobs."

"You tell them, darling," Bluestar-wannabe says, placing a hand on Fireheart-wannabe's arm. She slaps his hand away.

"What have I said about touching?" she snaps at the poor guy.

"You let me kiss you on the head earlier," Bluestar-wannabe says, clasping his hands and giving her a mournful look.

Fireheart-wannabe sighs. "That was for show, idiot." She jumps slightly as a magic spell fries the grass near her feet. Suspi has lost his patience.

The hunched, little man gives me a sneer. "There's something unique about you, Freak. Blade was right. We will meet again, but in different circumstances. I am certain of it."

Unique? I'm not sure whether to be offended or flattered. I settle for confused as Suspi starts walking away and disappears into the trees. Fireheart-wannabe and Bluestar-wannabe are similarly flustered by the man's strange retreat. Then, breaking the silence, Bluestar-wannabe attacks Enddragon, who parries the dragon dagger effortlessly. Within moments, I'm entranced by the Bluestar-wannabe's deft handling of his short weapon and Enddragon's reciprocating display of swordsmanship. That is, until a low murmur distracts me.

"Fine, if Suspi's too much of a coward, I can finish you off as easily as he can."

As Fireheart-wannabe pulls out a dragon scimitar, I step back and visually search the ground for the weapon I had dropped earlier. Aha! My scimitar, in question, now lays on the battleground of Reaver and Armadylspark. Crap. Well, at least, the mercenary has been disarmed. A moment later, Armadylspark is similarly weaponless as Reaver's vicious kick connects with his opponent's wrist. They're fighting with fists and feet now.

But I can't watch the fight's end. I'm blinded by pain as Fireheart-wannabe slashes at my unprotected arm. There's only so much my rune chain can do for me… Ready this time, I dodge her next swipe and stumble into a tree. Fireheart-wannabe pauses to laugh, and I take the moment of respite to assess the damage. A crescent-shaped cut on my upper arm has started oozing, er, cascading blood. I wonder if it's possible to bleed to death…

Fireheart-wannabe shakes her head at my state. "You really are pathetic. What kind of warrior tosses his weapon away at the beginning of battle?"

"One who doesn't want to hurt anyone," I reply.

She howls with laughter then. I don't understand what's so funny, but I guess my sense of humor is odd like that. Then, a zipping iron arrow cuts her laughter short. The arrow, my savior, buries itself into Fireheart-wannabe's behind. Oo, that looks like it hurt…

As I stifle a chuckle, a lean young man, black-haired and fully-bearded, brandishes a maple shortbow in our direction. "What an unfortunate shot," the guy mutters before bounding closer. Cursing under her breath, Fireheart-wannabe plucks the arrow out of her butt and swivels to face the approaching ranger.

"You'll pay for that," she hisses.

"You're going to pay me back, body stealer!" the man retorts. He snaps his fingers, and out of the woods, come two more people. One of the newcomers, a guy with dark hair and radiant cerulean eyes, flashes me a charming (and strangely familiar) smile before coming to stand beside the ranger. The third person, hooded and cloaked, settles into a defensive stance.

"Who are they?" I wonder before I pass out.


	12. Deadly Surprises

**Chapter 12 Deadly Surprises**

"I think he's coming around."

"Should I give it to him?"

Give what to whom? A moment later, fingers pry my jaw open and place something mushy in my mouth. Sugary icing; soft, crumbly texture…it's CAKE! Reflexively, I spit it out. I won't be poisoned again by the imposters! I'd die fighting! Opening my eyes, I see Kenshin gazing down at me with a betrayed expression.

"You spit it out…my beautiful cake," he whispers.

Monty appears beside him and pats his shoulder. "The kid's in shock. He doesn't know what he's doing. DOES he?" With a frown for me, Monty takes another piece of cake from his leather pack.

"Sorry, Kenshin. What happened?" I ask, still groggy from blood-loss. When Monty waves the cake in front of my nose, I consider declining, but Kenshin's mournful face compels me to take it. I'd just hold onto it for now…

"Well, I have no idea. We just got here," Monty says. "Good thing too. You were nearly dead, and everyone else had sustained serious injuries."

Oh no. I wobble to my feet and then sigh in relief at the circle of people not far from us. Dawn. Ava. Armadylspark. Enddragon. All accounted for and alive. And then those three strangers…If not for them, I don't know what would have happened.

"Freak!" says Stranger Number Two, the one who had smiled at me earlier. "You're okay!"

"Okay, but confused," I admit. Everyone's eyes have drifted to me, and suddenly, I feel self-conscious. "What happened to Reaver, Iymnota, Dave and the two imposters?"

"We tied them up. Put them somewhere," Dawn says with a casual wave of her hand.

Stranger Number One, the ranger, snorts. "You mean WE did."

"You were a mere distraction. I had Iymnota knocked out when you three arrived," Dawn argues. "Besides, at your level, you could be nothing but a distraction."

"Don't remind me." The ranger shudders. "Bad enough that I'm in a guy's body, but to be level forty again…"

Huh? The ranger must have caught my blank look because he explains, "Oh, right. You probably haven't figured it out yet. I'm Fireheart449."

"But you're a guy," I point out.

Fireheart scowls. "For now."

Bamboozled, I turn to Stranger Number Two. "Then you must be Bluestar."

Bluestar gives me a grin. "You're starting to catch on."

But…but…"Why?" My brain's about to explode. "What happened to your original bodies?"

By Fireheart's sigh, I can tell that she's already told the tale and that it's a long one. She seems to cut it short. "I logged out for a while. When I tried to log back in, I couldn't. Since I never forget my passwords, I figured something was up. So, I logged onto this account—" the ranger gestures to himself, "to investigate."

"Why do you have a guy's account anyway?" Dawn suddenly says with a frown. "I've been meaning to ask you…"

Seemingly embarrassed, Fireheart picks at an invisible dust mote on her (er, his?) sleeve and then admits in a mutter, "To spy. People will say things in front of guys that they wouldn't say in front of women. It's how I found out about Luxon's plans to enslave noobs. I figured this body would come in handy again…and it has."

Bluestar laughs and loops an arm around Fireheart's waist. It's an odd sight, truth be told, but Bluestar doesn't seem self-conscious at all. And of course, he wouldn't be. He's more sure of himself than anyone else I know. "I should have made another account long ago. I had the same problem as Fire, so I had to make a new account. Turns out we'd both been hacked somehow. It's almost as if someone has a list of passwords."

"Basically, whatever you do, don't log out unless you want to lose your account," Fireheart finishes grimly. She turns her gaze to her sister. "You said a cult is responsible for all of this?"

Ava steps forward. "That's right. They're apparently under Luxon's leadership—"

"No, they're not" refutes Stranger Number Three. He's still hiding himself under his hood and cloak. Hmm, let's see… If Stranger Number One was Fireheart and Stranger Number Two was Bluestar, then Stranger Number Three must be…Redseed! Oh, how I had missed my mentor! Always patient, always wise, he had always been there for me until he had mysteriously disappeared after sending me off to do the Champion's Guild quest on my own.

My eyes prickling with tears of joy, I throw myself at Redseed and hug him around the middle. Much to my surprise, he pries me off and tosses me over his shoulder in one smooth motion.

An "oof" escapes me as I land on my shoulder blades. My legs land a moment later with an unpleasant thump against the grass. Lying there, I'd never felt more like a rag doll... Ava, the only one with a heart, comes over to see if I've survived the toss.

"Freak?" She tilts her head at me.

"I'm okay," I return feebly. Monty bounces over to offer me more cake, and this time, I eat it. Feeling stronger with sugar in my system, I manage to stand.

My sweet Dawn, meanwhile, turns to confront the mean stranger, who can't be Redseed. "What do you think you're doing?" she scolds him. "You might have killed him."

She cares about me! My mind reels with happiness until the stranger replies, "I was half-hoping I had killed him. But, I suppose he is an asset to you: one you wouldn't want to lose."

An asset? How about a friend? And possibly her true love? I open my mouth to flay the man with righteous words when Enddragon asks, "Who the heck are you, and can you teach me to flip people like that?"

The cloaked stranger laughs. "I suppose I could teach you."

Bluestar nudges the stranger. "First, we all need to split up and find CAN's location. Second, we have to figure out how to fight them. Then we can start training if we need to."

"You definitely need to," the guy says with cold amusement. "Level three. You're a disgrace."

"Thanks." Untouched by the meanie's attempts to belittle him, Bluestar strides over and examines me. "You've grown."

I lift my chin with pride.

"Level-wise, but he's still an idiot," the meanie mutters. I'm rather crestfallen when no one objects to this slight to my acumen.

Anyway, who does this guy think he is? I stomp over to him and pull off his hood. Holy crumb-buckets. Cold, black eyes sparkle with satisfaction at my shock. His lips twist into an evil grin. He lifts his chin challengingly, accentuating Bluestar's nose. It can't be…

"Remember me?" he asks.

LORD LUXON?! And I hugged him! "Ugh." The sound of disgust escapes my mouth before I can stop it, and Luxon's expression turns murderous. Well, the last time we had met, it had been in real life, and he had wanted to KILL me for foiling his plans. I take a step back. What if he still wants to kill me?

"Freak, breathe!" Dawn thumps my shoulder, and I release the breath I had been holding in.

Once I get over my initial horror, I consider what this means for our mission. So, if Blade's not Luxon, who is he? "Who's Blade then?" I ask everyone in frustration. Armadylspark, Enddragon and Ava, shaken from their awe of Luxon (the man has a reputation), shrug at me.

"Why are you on our side?" I snap at Luxon. This guy had tried to enslave everyone, and now we're just going to let him join us without questioning his intentions?

He gives me a cool look. "My motivation is none of your concern."

Trying his best to look cheery, Bluestar answers for him. "If he can't take over Runescape, no one else can, is his philosophy."

Replacing his hood and covering up an angry-beyond-all-reason expression, Luxon walks away from our little circle. Ever the optimist, Bluestar adds, "He's started on the road to becoming a responsible adult. He even got a job. Please, Freak, we need all the help we can get, and my father, while prickly, can help us."

"If you trust him, I will too." Well, I'll try anyway.

Then, even Fireheart puts in a good word for Luxon. "He did protect us as we looked for Dawn," she says. "Why couldn't you have stayed in one place? We wasted so much time searching for you guys."

"Searching?" I repeat. "Why didn't you use the messaging feature on the calculatormabob?" I hold up the prized gadget and poke the smiley face. Eh? No response. "NO!" I howl. My precious calculatormabob…

Ignoring my pain, Fireheart places a hand under her new body's chin in thought and then cringes. "I forgot about the beard," she mutters under her breath. "Anyway, long-distance messaging is down. When I first logged into this account, I tried messaging Dawn and telling her about what had happened to me, but she didn't respond. Within a few hours, the entire system had been shut down, no doubt by Blade and his minions."

Catching her sister's glower, Dawn apologizes, "Sorry, I thought you were a creeper."

When Fireheart's stony expression doesn't change, Dawn continues, "You were a guy I didn't know, claiming to be my sister."

Fireheart coughs. "I suppose that is a bit weird…"

"A bit?" Dawn raises an eyebrow.

"Extremely weird," Bluestar puts in. He glances mournfully at Fireheart. "You can't imagine how I felt when I saw my love in such a state."

"Such a state," Fireheart repeats with a snort. "I couldn't quite believe my ears when a noob started claiming he was my boyfriend, especially considering that I was a guy at that point."

Bluestar blushes, and we all (except for the moody Luxon standing a few meters away) have a nice, little laugh. After everyone introduces themselves, the time has come for some serious discussion. However, before we can discuss how to tackle CAN, Monty pokes his head into the circle, which Luxon has also rejoined.

"So," the chef says, "who is the lucky fellow that will compensate Kenshin and me for our troubles?" He gives Fireheart a winning grin.

She says with utmost seriousness, "I'm a fella. Sorry."

"When did you guys start charging for your goods?" I ask the two rambunctious bakers.

Face solemn, Kenshin holds a hand over his heart. "When we started running out of supplies." He tilts his head at me. "I don't suppose you have the money, Freak?"

I do, but I won't pay for the cake they guilted me into eating. "Er…"

"Knaves, pay up!" Monty cries.

"Or what?" Luxon returns with a chilly look that would give human beings frost-bite.

Stepping back, Monty hesitates. Then the chef droops. "Or we'll go out of business." He lifts his head to give Kenshin a half-hearted glower. "Didn't I tell you that if we were soft-hearted, we would go broke?"

"My mother says bake with love, not with greed," Kenshin says, his eyes filled with distress as they settle on me.

"I'll pay you guys," I give in, and the chefs whoop and high-five one another. "Later." Their faces fall. "I don't have any money on me." I'm greeted with two puppy-dog faces. Unbearable.

"Here." Bluestar steps forward and hands them an enormous pouch of gold, ignoring Fireheart's face-palm. Kenshin and Monty thank him heartily, wish us luck, and get on their way: probably off to bake more goodies.

Embarrassed, I tell Bluestar, "I'll pay you back."

"We'll all chip in," Ava adds.

"Those two, as strange as they are, do provide a valuable service," Armadylspark points out. "Why not finance them?"

Enddragon squints at our masked friend. "Do you have money?"

"Plenty," he replies with satisfaction.

"Then why didn't you pay them?"

"I didn't have any money with me," Armadylspark answers sheepishly. "In any case, perhaps we should figure out what we're going to do about CAN and Blade?"

Like old times, Fireheart takes up the mantle of leadership. She's broken down our mission into little steps. Step one: find CAN's location. Step two: gauge their strength and understand their objectives. Step three: recruit people to our cause. Step four: Take CAN down and hope for the best.

"We're fighting an enemy that's also apparently outside the game," Dawn murmurs, cynical as always. "Even if we apprehend the cult members and Blade, we still might not be able to stop whatever's happening to Runescape."

It's a somber thought, and we all sink into a sudden gloom. If we had a better understanding of how the enemy worked, then we could come up with a better plan than brute force. I couldn't fathom fighting another war, and this time, death wouldn't mean mere enslavement; it would mean true physical pain, possibly torment.

Fireheart meets my eyes, and I realize she understands that. "For now," she says, "let's find CAN and see if we can't learn a little more about them. Does everyone remember their groups?"

To show her that we do, we shuffle into position. I grin at my partner, and despite her scars, she gives me a cheery smile back. Ava and I will search the outskirts of Falador as well as Port Sarim and Rimmington. That way, Dawn had pointed out earlier, I could continue working on my quest to slay Elvarg. Somehow, I had managed to forget about the dragon…Oh wait, maybe I intentionally forgot….

Anyway, Enddragon and Armadylspark will cover Falador and the Draynor Village area while Fireheart, Bluestar, Luxon and Dawn search Lumbridge, Al Kharid, Varrock and Edgeville. After two days, we would report back to Lumbridge Castle. As for the wilderness and the members' area, we would have to re-assign areas.

"We'll find them," Fireheart assures us, after we've settled what to do with our prisoners.

"If they keep moving headquarters, how would we find them?" Armadylspark inquires.

Fireheart shrugs and hitches her bow over her shoulder. "Then we're doomed; we might never find them."

What? I gape at her. Then Dawn shuts my mouth and strides off to join Fireheart, Bluestar and the meanie-who-previously-tried-to-take-over-Runescape. Ahem, I mean the meanie-who-has-obviously-been-reformed. They get the honor of dragging the bound villains back to Varrock Palace, where they will be locked up and interrogated. Of course, none of the prisoners would likely confess since Fireheart refuses to utilize unimaginable torture, which Luxon had suggested during our discussion.

Speaking of Luxon, in that hood and cloak of his, he looks like the Grim Reaper. A sudden anxiety for Dawn, Bluestar and Fireheart makes me step forward. As I do, a faint "phwup" sound, like the whipping of a cord through air, startles my ears. Wait, stepping on grass doesn't make that sound. It's usually more of a pleasant rustle.

"Freak!" Dawn says my name in alarm and sprints toward me. When she collides with me, I half-wonder if she's lost her mind. Stumbling back a few steps to cushion the momentum, I catch Dawn as she falls. Her head is against my chest, but I have no time to enjoy the warm, fuzzy feeling.

"Damn," hisses a voice. Before he disappears into the trees, I catch sight of the mercenary. No! How did he get free? The same question appears in my allies' eyes, but they all become instantly wary as another rune arrow comes flying from the trees with deadly precision. The target this time is Fireheart.

She barely dodges in time, and the arrow grazes her upper arm. Armadylspark voices a new fear, "I hope that arrow wasn't poisoned."

Suddenly, Dawn pushes me away. Hey! My protest dies as I take in the arrow piercing the area above her heart. Dawn…She had needed me as leverage to even stand. "Don't look at me like that," she says and turns towards the trees where Reaver is hiding. She's hurt! I fiddle in my pack for the cake Monty had given me earlier, but before I find it, Dawn plucks her frying pan out of her bag and races towards the woods.

No! I nearly charge after her, but Ava restrains me. I try and shake off her tenacious grip, but I can't: not without hurting her.

"She saved you!" Ava says fiercely. "Stay out of range."

And the others just stand there! Nearly to the trees, Dawn takes a second arrow through the chest. "Dawn, don't! I have cake!" I scream. She looks back briefly and gives me a tender look that takes my breath away.

"No," I whisper, tears half-blinding me as she disappears into the trees. When I'm in control of my voice again, I whip around to face Fireheart. Bluestar. Luxon. Ava. Armadylspark. Enddragon. So many of us…and only one mercenary. Why the hell did we all just stand around?

Armadylspark seems to sense the waves of anger I'm emitting. "He would have shot us down one by one, Freak," he tells me. "We ought to thank Dawn for her sacrifice."

"She'll be fine," Fireheart says softly. "We'll find her in Lumbridge."

"One death will hardly deter Dawn." Bluestar approaches me as if to offer comfort. I won't have any of it!

With Ava's grip on my arm relaxed, I tear away, straight towards the woods where I had last seen Dawn. I run straight into someone. Dawn? I wait to hear her scolding, but instead, I see tawny eyes filled with disdain.

Reaver. Holy crap! I take refuge behind the nearest tree, snatch a pointy branch from the ground and peek back to find the mercenary with his bow slung over his shoulder. What the…? "Killing you now won't be nearly as fun as watching your face when your girl dies. After she's gone, I'll put you out of your misery as well." Despite his spiteful words, I see that Reaver's face sports a new bruise.

Before I can respond, the mercenary steps away to reveal Dawn's prone form among the soft, waving grass. It had taken nine arrows to bring her down: nine arrows that should be in me. "Dawn," I say softly. She stirs. She's still alive!

But before I can attend to her, I have to deal with the mercenary. "Reaver, did you release Iymnota and the others?"

The mercenary looks vaguely puzzled by my question. Maybe a bit of conversation would keep him off guard. That way, I would have at least a tiny chance against him. As he answers me, I sneak forward to stand in front of the mercenary. "Iymnota released me. She left the other three idiots. Those three are disposable."

"Yes, Dave isn't the brightest and the other two aren't convincing imposters, but it's still not very nice to leave your comrades behind." With every word, I inch a bit closer to Reaver. He adjusts his brown cavalier hat and shrugs.

The moment he takes his eyes off me during that shrug, I lunge and aim the end of my stick for his exposed throat. The point goes through cleanly and abruptly, so that half the stick disappears into Reaver's neck in a matter of seconds. His eyes bulge in shock and pain before he fully realizes what I've done.

Appalled by the hatred twisting the man's face, I let go of the stick. With one last, rattling breath, the mercenary crumples forward and I see the bloody end of the stick that had speared him. I had killed him…Even as Reaver's body disintegrates, leaving bones and none of the gory evidence, the cake in my stomach revolts and nearly wins. I force myself to swallow. I'll never be able to eat cake again…

"Freak."

Dawn! I hobble towards her and kneel. Her eyes open a little wider, and a small smile appears on her face. "Here," I say, offering her the troublesome cake piece. "Hopefully, this will heal you enough until—"

"Freak," she interrupts me. When I move the cake towards her mouth, she whacks my arm away.

"Hey, I'm trying to save you here!" I mutter.

"I know, but it's too late. Save the food for later," she snaps. The same old Dawn, even as she lies dying. "Tell Fire to meet me in the kitchen in Lumbridge Castle. Okay?"

"Okay," I promise, startled as she sits up to place her head against my chest.

Satisfied, Dawn closes her eyes. "I love you," she murmurs before the faint smile on her lips fades. And then she turns into dust and bones.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Updated all the previous chapters. Let me know if you guys want me to keep posting this story!**


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